Am I still your's?
by Jin-Chan16
Summary: Six months can change a person, especially if they've been held captive and forced into experiments unknown to common man. Will this change Usagi-san's feelings for his lover? M for later chapters and graphic content.
1. Chapter 1

I had everything, I had an amazing job that I loved and handled at my own pace (usually), an extravagant home that was always clean and spotless, and a loving lover that shared my love unconditionally...

That was six months ago. Six months ago I had all of that, I loved every minute of it, I loved how I could come home from a meeting and the smell of strawberry meringue pie would overflow the apartment for two days at a time. I loved how all of my bears always had clean ribbons on them, and how my sheets smelled of jasmine tea and teenage pheromones. So, I wondered how the two years I spent with all of this bliss come falling apart in two minutes, how someone could take all of my happiness, all of my joy and love, within one hundred twenty seconds.

The house isn't as clean anymore, a thin layer of dust covers the coffee table and dining table and t.v., the windows are beginning to look smoggy, the fridge hasn't had fresh food in months, dirty dishes have piled up on the counter. The phone rings, I let the answering machine pick it up, the end of my cigarette falls off into the ash tray, "Usami-san," my father hired a detective, his voice echoes through the apartment, "I have great news, we've got a lead on where Misaki is. I can't say much about the rest of it, but we think that there are others that have been abducted by the same man. Call me if you want to know about anything," the click of the machine and flashing light let me know that it's waiting for me to erase it.

I remain where I am, I don't want to move, I don't to breath, not until I know Misaki is home, until I can feel him in my arms. My heart churns in my chest, I'm surprised it hasn't stopped at this point, I look around, all the memories come flooding back, I feel so numb...I remember how we first met, when we first fought, when we first made love. It used to make me cry, it used to overwhelm to to the point of insanity, but now all it does is numb me more than the nicotine has.

Pictures are scattered on the table, the ones of us on vacation, the one Isaka took of us at the office, and several random ones we managed to make over the years. I pick one up of our first Christmas morning together, the snow had prevented him from going to Osaka and me from going to an emergency meeting, we ended up spending that night curled up on the couch with hot chocolate and a cheesy Christmas movie. That morning had been beautiful, we woke up on the couch, a blanket covering us, we could see the outside and how the light snow was falling so lightly that we could barely make it out through the sun. We had gotten each other presents for when we would come back, we settled on two each, the presents he had gotten me where one big and one small. The big one was a large box wrapped in red foil and a blue ribbon, inside was a hand stitched bear made of satin and filled with plush beads, the ribbon on it was a new silky pale purple tie. The other present was smaller, it was wrapped in navy blue and had a purple ribbon taped on the top, inside was a ring, sterling silver with the words 'I love you' engraved inside.

I had gotten him a square silver necklace, it was a locket so it had both of our pictures on the inside, his face had turned a bright shade of red and tears had formed in his eyes, but I remember the warmest smile spreading across his face. I don't remember the other present, he was so engrossed in his locket that he didn't want to look at the other one, he said that he didn't want to cry from this much happiness, if he did his heart would break.

That feels like decades ago, like my bones had worn into an old man's and I'm reminiscing from my youth. I look at the clock, it's been almost eight hours, time is slipping by me so quickly, too quickly, I wonder what would happen if I never moved from this spot again. I wonder what would happen if I just sat here and thought about all the happy memories I had with the one person who made me the happiest.

The phone rings again, the answering machine takes it again, "Usami-san," the detective, "I have amazing news, we've found Misaki and the others!" I jerk my head up, he can't be serious, after all this time..."We haven't caught the man yet, but...there is more bad news I'm afraid. You see the man we found to be the kidnapper...he's a scientist...the victims...including Misaki, well...they were his lab rats...Misaki is alive and well, but...I won't lie to you, he's different than from when you last saw him...that's putting it lightly. He's here at the hospital, the one just across from the police department. I'll let Takahiro know as well." Already I'm on my feet, hurrying to the door, "He's strong, I'll tell you that, he's even asking for you."

I slam the door, my mind racing and heart hammering, I don't care what the message said all I know is that my beautiful loving Misaki is alive, he's alive, he's alive.


	2. Chapter 2

Six months...nine days...four hours...twelve minutes...that's how long I spent in a cage, a cell where needles and probes would enter through my skin, my muscles, my bones till I was finally the _perfect_ shape, design, creation that he had made. When he was done with me, when I was his creature, he put me in a cage and there I grew, physically, mentally, emotionally. I watched as others some my age, some older, some younger go through the same torture, I heard them scream in pain and I heard them cry in dispair. I watched as their faces, bodies, limbs, mind turned into something unknown, I truly can't tell you if it was something beautiful or disgusting.

Then I was found, finally, and taken here to a hospital. I don't know much about what's going on, I don't know why everyone is in such a rush to put IV's in me and run blood tests and psych evaluations, but everything comes and goes in a blur so by the time they're done I'm still wide awake. Finally, for the moment I'm alone, I look in the mirror for the first time in six months. My hair is longer, it goes only an inch past my shoulders, it's greasy and matted down to my paled skin, it looks so pastey now. The two cat ears that had grown during the last three experiments were perched perfectly on top of my head, they are the same color as my hair, a tail had also come to be at the small of my back, it was slim with a shade lighter tip like my ears. My left eye is a shade darker than the other, a slit replaces the round pupil, it's hard to see out of it; this was his last experiment. I had grown only four inches taller, my features were a little more detailed now, the little bit of chubbiness that had always seemed to be present just under my chin was gone, my fingers were longer, slimmer now. I'm thinner now, lack of food for the past few weeks will do that to you, I'm hydrated so I'll be fine once they bring me something edible.

I jump when the door slams open, I rush out and I'm frozen. I can't breathe, I can't feel my legs, anything...

He's in front of me, his eyes are piercing through me, and those arms are wrapped around me so tightly, "Misaki," he whispers into my human ear, for the first time in six months...nine days...four hours...twelve minutes..."I've missed you...you're alive...you're alive..." my heart is breaking..."I love you...oh god, I love you...you're alive..." but this time it's breaking because I'm so happy.

Silver hair is burried in my neck, tears are falling on my skin and sliding down in tiny hot rivers, the arms that are wrapped around me are shaking, trembling. "Usagi-san..." I haven't heard my voice in so long, it's raspy and quiet, "Usagi-san," but I want to use it, I want it to be louder, "Usagi-san," my arms wrap around his neck, cradeling his head, "Usagi-san," that's the only name I need to say, the only thing I want to say.

For a moment, I'm not that man's creature, I'm not his monstrosity, I'm the old me; short and innocent and naïve. I'm his Misaki again, I'm the sophmore almost junior college student in economics, I'm a younger brother and in-law, I'm a nineteen going on twenty year old. I'm this man's lover for just a minute longer...

We stay like that for a little while longer before he pulls away, I think it's then that he realizes the changes. I look down, taking a step back away from him, his hand grabs my arm not hard but just enough to pull me back. His hand touches my left cheek, caressing it gently while his thumb strokes just under my eye, I feel my face go hot as I bring my hand to cover his nuzzling it with my face. I missed how cool they were, how gentle and tender they were against me. The hand on my arm trails up to my cat ear, it flicks as his finger barely touches it, he massages the back of it making me relax my muscles. His hand on my face goes down my back and pulls me closer to his, he rests his chin on my head while the other hand cradles the back of my head.

"I love you," I whisper, there is no _I think _or _maybe_, there is solid truth in my words. I think he knows because he hugs me even tighter, I can almost feel his smile, "Do you still love me?" the question caught us both off guard, but suddenly the answer feels so crucial to me.

He pulls away for a moment before placing his lips over mine, holding me so firmly as he did so, "I love you more than life, I love you more than my family and friends and job, I love you more than the first day I met you, more than I did six months ago,"

I want to cry, but I want to hug him more, "I'm not the same person you know, I've changed,"

"I don't care, I don't care if you've changed, I still want you, I still love you," I rest my head on his chest, my throat feels tight, my shoulders heave. His hand rubs my back while dry sobs grind my body to dust and ash.

"Hate me," I whimper, my cat ears go back, my tail goes limp, "hate me for being so pathetic, for being so weak," I grip his shirt, "hate me for not fighting hard enough to stay with you. Hate me for putting you through hell. Hate me for turning into this _monster_,"

A harsh jerk makes me look into firm, sympathetic eyes that have strands of silver falling in front of them, "You are _not_ a monster," he growls, "this _isn't your fault_," the words go through me like knives, his hand goes through my oily hair, pushing it away from my face. His eyes turning softer, "I _can't_ hate you, Misaki, I can't. I love you, more than you know...and I know you love me too. So don't ask me to do something that I could never do,"

I lowered my head as a blush forming on my cheeks, his arms wrap around me around me again. I melted against his chest as exhaustion finally settled in my body and mind,"Usagi-san..." I was off the ground, he was carrying me to the bed, laying me down to the lumpy mattress. Wordlessly, he climbed in with me, after getting an extra pillow and blanket, and snuggled up closer to me. His body against mine, his shallow breathing, the smell of cigarettes and soap; I was home here. I nuzzled into his chest, my ears tickling his chin and my tail curling around us to keep warm.

"Go to sleep, Misaki," I looked up at him, fear had begun to churn in my chest.

"You'll...You're not a dream right? You'll be here when I wake up?" He kissed me on the lips, his were slightly chapped and tasted like smoke, but they went from my mouth, to my cheeks, to my nose, too my eyes, and then to my forehead.

"I'll be here," his arm went around my thin waist, his hands were moving against my ribs. I saw the concern in his eyes, "I promise, I won't even let the nurses pry me out of here," I smiled, laying my head against his chest.

"Good,"

As I closed my eyes, as sleep took hold of me, I heard him whisper one more time, "I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning was a daze, the light that came in from the window, shining on my face, waking me up much earlier than I'd liked to. I sat up, running a hand through my hair, already I was itching for a cigarette and craving more sleep. I got up, quickly walking over and closing the blinds, I turned, the white roomed now seemed a softer morning color without the florescent lights on. I went back to my side of the bed where Misaki's hands were searching for my warmth in the rather cool room, I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him close so he'd be warm. I almost jumped when I felt his tail curl up around my foot, it was soft and smooth and tickled my foot as it swayed lightly.

I looked at Misaki's face, examining his details, he looks older now some how, like the last six months have been years. I lightly brush my fingers against his cheek, it's felt like years, decades even but I'm with him now. He's with me, in my arms and not trapped in some freak's basement, I sit up, stretching my muscles before looking at the bathroom and back at Misaki.

They gave him a sedative to help him sleep, they told me after he fell asleep he probably wouldn't be up till late morning. I glanced at my watch, it was only ten fifteen, I got up, tucking the covers tight around him so he'd be warm, lightly pecking his cheek before I left for the bathroom.

The water was lukewarm as it poured down my body, my hair quickly matted to my head as I let the water soak away the smell of ciagarettes. The off brand soap smelt different than what I'm used to, it was simple liquid soap that came out of a tiny tube and looked like a watery cream. The shampoo was no different as I put it in my hair pushing it back as it I started to lather it. I jumped when long slender fingers began to massage my scalp carefully, "Misaki?"

As if to say yes, thin arms wrapped around my waist, placing his head on the my shoulder, oily locks of brown flowing down my chest with the water, making it look like one of the small rivers of water that had formed on my chest. "Usagi-san," his voice was quiet, a little raspy from what I suspected was still sleep. His hand, small and pale, took the soap and placed a good portion in his hand before putting it on the my chest, his hands massaged the soap into the skin, running over my chest and shoulders before going down to my stomach, his fingers running over the faintest of outlines of muscles dipping his fingers into every crease and muscle. His hands went lower to my abdomen, I bit back a groan, it had been so long since I had felt my Misaki's hands on me. They had never been so inviting, so warm, so soft, or maybe it's just that I hadn't noticed until now. "Misaki," I say again, he nuzzles my neck lovingly, his longer hair felt smooth against my skin.

"I missed you,"

That's all I hear, I turn, wrapping my arms around him tightly, holding him close as the water began to turn cold.

Later when we were back in the room, clothed and clean (on my part at least) the door swung open, a blur of dark blue and jet black passed before clinging onto Misaki. Takahiro was hugging his brother tightly, he was sobbing unshamefully into his chest, incoherent words involving happiness and forgiveness and love spewed from his mouth like a madman to his whiskey. The nurses came in, looking a bit confused on what to do, whether or not to tell him to calm down or take him to the psych ward. I told them that he was just happy is all, they nodded and said that he needed to be a little more calm given Misaki's current condition. I told them I'd tell him before ushering them out and turning to a hysteric Takahiro who is continuing to bawl into Misaki's chest.

"Takahiro please," I say, but Misaki doesn't say anything, he doesn't move or react, all he does his stroke his brother's hair, I remain where I am and watch and feel something in me cringe. The stoic look on his face shows nothing, and I do emphasize _nothing_. "Misaki..."

"Nii-san, it's ok," His voice is caring, and so sugary sweet I flinch, "I'm here, there's no need to cry." All of his words remind me of artificial sugar that comes in the form of caring words but tastes far too sweet to be real.

It takes some time, but Takahiro composes himself, a few tears remained and his sobs have quietened down to small whimpers, but he looks at his brother smiling so lovingly, "I'm so...so glad you're safe," there's so much relief in his words, so much relaxation, the world is calm again.

"I know, Nii-san," Misaki smiles, but he seems so hollow, Takahiro reaches out and motherly like brushes over grown bangs out of light green eyes. I see him tense again when he sees that one is lighter than the other.

"Misaki...what happened to your eye?" That hollowness is gone, a wasteland remains.

"It was an experiment, it didn't work," He's quiet after that, Takahiro looks horrified, all of the thoughts of someone hurting his little brother come back, he knows the truth. He couldn't protect his little brother from the monsters, all of his hard work to try and make his brother as happy as possible have failed because he knows that he couldn't protect him against the one thing that threatened him.

"Nii-san," Misaki had brought Takahiro out of his train of though, I watched as that wasteland filled with something I had yet to understand, "It's not your fault," the smallest voice in the world shattered every glass in the country.

* * *

Sorry it's so late guys, I've been swamped with school O.O stupid Plan Tests...anyway, please review and tell me if you like the writing style, I think I've gotten a little better but it's what you guys think that matters! x3

Happy Halloween Darlings~


	4. Chapter 4

Days passed, they flew by without our realization, it was only when all of the doctors' testing and blood work after psych evaluation after being prodded after more blood work did they finally let Misaki be discharged, he was eager, I could tell. I went by to the penthouse to grab a few clothes for him, it was when I realized how disgusting our home had become, dust was everywhere and the carpet was in desperate need of being vacuumed. I called a cleaning agency and stuck around until the woman arrived, I gave her a fifty and told her to hurry, I didn't wait around to hear her gasp in horror as I got on the elevator. I rushed back to the hospital, Misaki's clothes in hand as I came through the door, Takahiro was there again he was with his wife. She wouldn't stop starring at Misaki with this look of horror and slight disgust, I'm sure Misaki knew this too since he kept asking her to go get something from the cafeteria or from the nurses.

I gave Misaki his clothes as he went to the bathroom, we were only waiting on the doctor to bring his discharge papers so we could leave, as soon as the bathroom door shut the doctor came in and handed a small stack of papers to Takahiro. He signed everything quickly, going through all the papers and putting his signature down over every line before giving them back to the doctor, Misaki came out just as his brother was signing the last paper. He was wearing a black and green turtle neck and a black scarf, a pair of dark denim jeans hugged his hips perfectly, a dark green hat covered his ears and oily hair. He had tucked his tail into his jeans, it went down the leg but he had wrapped it around his leg with the bandages under the sink.

"He'll need to come back in a month or so, the receptionist can make you an appointment, he'll also need to observed for any signs of trauma. Shaking, sensitivity to touch, night terrors, or anything pertaining to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. You might also want to check for signs for depression, making sure he eats his meals or isn't over eating, seeing if he has violent or sudden mood swings, or if he's keeping to himself more than he should." The doctor droned on and on with his list of all the things that could be wrong with Misaki, and while usually Misaki took offense when people acted like he wasn't there, he simply straightened the bed and walked out, leaving a perplexed Takahiro to take in all of the doctor's words.

Misaki and I walked to the car, no one noticing his eye as we passed, he stood up straighter than normal, he moved in a tense manner like he was bracing himself to fall. The car lights flashed as the doors unlocked, I opened the door to his side he seemed a little taken back for a moment before smiling warmly and sliding inside. I closed the door and went to my side, quickly turning on the air so that we could be warm against the cold Tokyo air. _We_ were on our way home, _we_ would be sleeping together tonight, _we_ would be waking up to each other tomorrow, I smiled, slipping a hand off of the wheel and putting it over Misaki's.

"Aikawa was asking about you when I got home, she was really worried about you," He nods, smiling a little, a far off look in his eyes as we make our way to the penthouse. I park the car and get out, he's already closing the door and walking towards the elevator.

"Are you coming, Usagi-san," I walk a little quicker, catching up before the elevator opens, I grab his hand as we move inside, "Maybe we should have a small get together," I look at him, a little confused.

"Why?" His face doesn't change, he's still smiling distantly.

"I haven't seen anyone for six months, I want to see Sumi-senpai and Aikawa and everyone else. Haha, I'd even be ok with seeing your brother and father," I look at him oddly, but tighten my grip on his hand.

"Why would you want to see them? They did nothing but bother us when you were-"

"But I haven't been here in six months and they haven't been able to cause a hindrance to me since I've been gone, so I would like for them to bother me as much as possible at the party so that we can make up for lost times," He says it so calmly with that smile that I feel like I've been smacked across the face. He'd never do this...

The elevator doors open, he takes his steps out while my hand begins to slip through his fingers...

I grip them tightly, pulling him back, he stumbles but doesn't look surprised as his eyes cast their gaze on me, "...When you get settled..." I swallow hard, "then I'll call Isaka and my brother and father and my cousin, she'll love to see you again, and Aikawa and you can invite that damn senpai of yours if you want.."

He smiles and pulls my hand, leading me to the door that's partially opened, the cleaning woman must have forgotten to close the door. He doesn't look around, instead goes straight to the couch where Suki-san sits quietly and straightens his red bow, he seems to be in his own world as he walks around, his fingers barely grazing the couch as he moves to the window, he's so tranquil as he watches the world from up here. He moves upstairs, running his fingers up the railing till he's at the bedroom, I follow behind him but just far enough so I'm not (completely) crowding him, he's in our room. Everything seems new to him, but he's expecting it, he looks at all the toys, making sure not to step on the train set at goes around the bed, and all of the Suki-san's that lay in random places, he's on the bed suddenly laying on one of the pillows. I can see his tail twitching from underneath his jeans, it must be uncomfortable because before long he's taken off the bandages and let his tail out so it lays swaying slightly on the bed.

"If you want I can let you rest till-"

"I've been resting almost two weeks, I'm just happy to be_ home_," He said, getting up, he moves fast and before I can blink he's in front of me, smiling warmly, "I'm happy to be with you," He grabs my hand, lacing his fingers with mine before putting his forehead on my chest. I wrap my arm around his waist, pulling him close, the material of his hat scratching under my chin, my hand moves to take it off I want to feel his hair his hand grabs the edge of it, keeping it where it is. I look at him, confused, he turns a light shade of red, "My hair is oily, let me wash before anything ok?"

I pull her close again, burying my face in the crook of his neck, kissing his neck, he gasps lightly, "I'll join you,"

I stumble backwards, almost hitting the edge of the top stair, horror is written all over his face, "S-Sorry...J-J-Just..." He averts his eyes, something in me twists and knots into an unknown shape, all I want to do is hold him, but there's a glass between us,

"I...I can't...I can't let you...s-see me yet..."

and all I want to do

"It's ok, I understand," I smile warmly, I can't push him.

is break it.

He smiles back, "I'm going to go ahead and get a shower, I can make lunch when I'm done, that ok?"

"Don't worry about it, I'll go get something while you take a shower," He nods, already heading to the bathroom, as the door closes and I hear the water turn on I hit the wall with a tight fist. Why do I have to be so stupid at a time like this, I cover my face with my hand in frustration, I'm just going to become a hindrance if I keep up this idiocy.

That's the last thing I can be right now...

_Misaki POV_

I don't wait for the water to warm, I hurry into the shower letting the water soak me, I close my eyes, I don't even want to see my body, I lean against the cold tile wall. Goosebumps run up my back, my ears go flat, my shoulders are shaking, everything is in place but there are so many _cracks_. I'm losing it, I open my good eye, I can see the scars, they're all over me, those scalpels cutting into me, the needles being forced inside of me, the way he smiled when I cried.

_He won't win._

I grab the shampoo and dispense the thick soap till it's spilling out the sides of my hand, I scrub it into my scalp hard, harder, harder, harder

_He won't win_.

until soap is running down my shoulders and chest

_He won't win_.

my head starts to sting as I scrub,

_He won't win_.

white suds are tainted red.

He can't win.

When my shower is done, my hair now clean and soft, I go downstairs, everything feels new again like when I first moved in. I hope I can get back into routine soon, I go into the kitchen, I wonder who cleaned this place, there's no way he kept this place spic and span without someone's help. It also really,_ really_ smells like bleach in the kitchen, I open the fridge, there's barely anything in there, must be why he wanted to go pick something up. I go to the junk drawer-

this isn't the junk drawer...the junk drawer is the one closest to the sink...why didn't I remember that...I shake my head and go to the correct drawer and pull out a notepad and pen, writing down what we need.

It's ok, it's been six months, six months in a basement, it's a wonder I can even remember the address to this place, it's ok, it's not a big deal, it's not really. I finish the list in record time, three pages front and back of what we will need for the next week, I'll go out tomorrow morning or later tonight. I set the list down and go to the couch, I sit down next to Suki-san, pulling him to my lap so I can bury my head in his plushness, it's good for a headache, I have this almost painful urge to rub my cat ears against it, for a moment I hesitant but I give in. The soft texture feels weird against my ears, like it tickles but it also feel like a self massage, I rub against it for a minute before I stop, I wonder how long Suki-san has smelt of cigarettes and soap, how long Suki-san has smelt of Usagi-san.

My ears perk up, my tail jerks as the door handle jiggles a bit before turning, the hinges creak as the door opens, Usagi-san comes in with an armful of plastic bags filled with Styrofoam boxes, I jump up to help him, taking a few bags and following him to set them on the counter. He looks at me, his mouth open ready to speak, he hesitates and I resist the urge to walk away, he's taking in my ears and tail, actually seeing them, for the first time. My ears begin to twitch in nervousness, my tail sways, the twitching stops when he smiles placing his hand on my head, "I'm home,"

I want to rub my ears against him now.

* * *

Ok, for all those wondering, cats rub their ears against things because behind their ears they have scent glands or something relative to that, so when they do that they are marking it as their own. Clever neh?

Anyway, review, oh and I'll be editing my current one shot shortly because my lovely, adoring _friends_ love to encourage Hitler's version of grammar.

Love you darlings,

J.C.16


	5. Chapter 5

Weeks went by, I had not forgotten school, I took online classes now which was really convenient, I could be home and clean when I needed to be and soon I've also started working online now. It's mostly just a Tec support thing and then some online advertisements. It made some good money, though we didn't need it, it felt good that I could contribute to the rent more than just by doing the chores. I'd be graduating soon with how much work I was able to get done in my free time, despite work, I was getting ahead of the class, Usagi-san would help me with math or english all the other stuff I passed fluidly.

Everything was fine now, we were preparing for a Christmas party, I hadn't seen anyone other than Aikawa since I returned from the hospital. I had heard from them from phone calls, Haruhiko would call every week while Nii-san called at least every day. I would see Nii-san once every other week, he would check up on me and observe me, though he would deny it, that's how it was. At first it was nerve racking, I hated feeling like someone was looming over me to check for the tiniest mark of imperfection or trouble, but after a while there really wasn't anything to hide, I was fine, I wasn't depressed or overly worked, I was fine. I wish he could understand that.

Usagi-san and I…

Well, that sounds only a bit foreign, we've been better but it's no longer as awkward as it was at the beginning. When I first came back it was like when I first moved in, everything I did it felt like I was being a burden some way or another. I felt awkward at the breakfast table, there wasn't much to talk about, there wasn't much I wanted to talk about. He knew that, he respected that and kept distance from the subjects that would shake me, sometimes though I kind of wished he would just say things like he used to. After a while though, we were back on track, we were speaking more to each other, communicated through more than just our words. We were making progress, soon we'd be back to where we used to be. Though we haven't had sex since I returned, we were making progress there too, we were slowly becoming more intimate but not yet there yet. In a way it was unnerving but it was also calming.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, his arms wrapped around my waist, I relaxed against him as I finished up my Economics essay.

"Nothing really," He scoffed, poking me in the cheek.

"Liar, your ears always twitch when you're thinking about something." I sighed, smiling a bit.

"I was wondering about our little party. When should we have it?" His face was accusing but he dropped it.

"Probably the day before, have an early dinner party kind of thing. I don't have to put all the Suzuki's away just for them right?" I laughed, of course he would only think of his bears than the people coming over.

"I'll take care of it, don't worry," He pouted, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"You don't need to do that," He murmured, nuzzling into my neck affectionately, I relaxed, my tail swaying pleasantly at the feel of his hair against my skin.

"Usagi-san…" His arms tugged me out of the chair, leading me up to my feet, his eyes closed as he pushes his lips against mine. It took me two weeks to completely get comfortable again with it, the feel of his cigarette stained lips against my still pale ones.

He lead me to the couch, not once breaking the kiss until I was on my back, looking up at him, one hand caressing my neck the other holding the small of my back, his tongue slide against my lips, protruding out into my mouth, his tongue moved with my own, sliding together, moving against my teeth and cheek. Our pants were pushed together, friction tangling our minds into a focus of heated passion. It was on going, this rhythm of pleasure, his tongue against mine and then the sway of our hips against one another. We were like teenagers in this confusing battle of love and sex, we were lost in it all, lost in the passion and heat that dove into our bloodstreams like heroin, in the love that sent our minds spiraling out of control.

The slam of the front door brought us back to the harsh reality of things, Takahiro was at the door, his hands at his side stiffly, his back straight, his eyes piercing.

"Nii-san," Usagi-san turned around, startled, he must have thought it was Aikawa, "what are you doing here?"

"I came to check up on you." He voice was sharp, "I see I've interrupted your…activities."

"Nii-san, it-"

"Can you give Usami-san and I a moment, Misaki." I feel helpless as I begin to walk away, I stop at the mid stair.

"No…I don't think I can, Nii-san." I say, I turn looking at him confidently, I walk back down and to Usagi-san's side. "We're together."

His eyes reflect something of horror and hurt, "Misaki…look you've just gotten out of that fiasco with being kidnapped. You're just confused, look if you're having some thoughts you can't share with me then we can get you a therapist, there's this really nice lady in-"

"We were together a year and a half before that." He stops, he doesn't look at me, he doesn't say anything. He bows his head so that his hair covers his eyes.

"Very well then," His voice is strained, he rubs his temples with his index and thumb, "we'll discuss this later."

"What's there to discuss? I thought everything was out now, it's plain and simple nii-san-"

"Don't call me that." He snaps, fear is etched on his face when he realizes what he's said. I felt something in me sting, I'm not sure what. "Misaki…I-"

"It's ok…I understand, Takahiro…" I bow my head, I feel like I've just said a really bad word.

"I think you should leave now, Takahiro," Usagi-san ushers him out, and without saying goodbye he closes the door. He turns to me, I feel like I should be beaten. "Are you alright?" his arm wraps around me again, holding me.

I shake my head no, I rest my forehead against his chest, "I feel bad…" his fingers run through my hair lovingly, it's relaxing.

"He'll come around soon, don't worry," he says, pressing his lips against mine briefly before smiling down at me. "Don't we have a Christmas party to plan?"

* * *

Sorry it's so late guys, I've been really busy with mid-terms and such which SUCKS. But I hope you enjoy this small chapter, next will be way longer, I promise!

Love and Peace

J.C.16


	6. Chapter 6

It was Christmas Eve when we had the party, we had the tinsel out, all of the Suzuki-san's had Christmas colored bows and were placed on the sides of the couch and on a few stairs, we didn't have a tree, I told him it would just be a waste to put it up for a little while and then go through the trouble of taking it down. Not to mention his handling with fragile things would leave us with quite a mess and less ornaments. I had set up a buffet like area, I had made anything I could think of for the occasion, ham, deviled eggs, bread, dip and chips, sugar cookies and a cake. I had everything laid out with red and white plates and some good silverware, Usagi-san had said during the entire process that I was putting too much effort into it since it was only our friends. I told him that it was because they were friends that I needed to put the effort into it.

I had made everything accordingly and timely, it would still be warm when they arrived, maybe it was because of one of the experiments that the scientist did but everything smelled like cloves and sugar. It was a warming smell, it made me think of home.

A soft knock made me bolt to the door, I straightened my red button up shirt and dusted off my black pants before opening the door. Aikawa and Isaka were the firsts guest, she was wearing a white dress that had a wide red belt around the waist, black panty hoes made her legs seem longer with black kitten heels. Isaka wore something a bit more casual, his regular suit the only thing decorative was the red and white striped tie, his grin wasn't as smug as I remember it as he patted head were a black hat covered my ears. My tail would have swayed at the notion if I had not tied it tight around my leg, making it immobile. I let them in, telling them I had to use the bathroom, I checked the contact I had put in, it was a colored one I had bought online so no one would pay attention to it, it hid the lighter color almost perfectly. I went into Usagi-san's office, telling him who all was here and that he needed to go greet them while I used the bathroom, he just scoffed saying that they had been there too many times to greet.

I fixed my hair and buttoned my shirt up again to make sure it was right, I used a lint roller to get rid of any stray hairs or fuzz on my pants, to say I was nervous might have been an understatement. I brushed my teeth again and went back down, smiling, trying to stay relaxed.

"Well, Chibi, I have to say the place does look nice," I felt my cat ear tick at the old nickname, "the food isn't half bad either." His smug grin was back, he was more recognizable with it than without.

"Is Asahina coming? I told him he could come too, you didn't scare him off right?" He looked offended.

"Of course not! If that idiot wants to come then he will, he doesn't need my approval for everything!" He snapped, I scoffed. "Besides, he said he would, he just had a meeting with my father is all."

"Misaki, the sugar cookies are amazing!" Aikawa interrupted, keeping the conversation civil, "Did you use confectioner sugar or table sugar?"

"Table, I've never tried confectioner though," The door knock and I didn't hesitate to answer, Usagi-chichi and Usagi-ani were there.

"It's good to see you again, Misaki," Haruhiko said, smiling a soft smile as I stepped aside to let them in. Usagi-chichi didn't say anything as he walked in, it wasn't like him, or at least from what I can remember he was never really like this.

"Have you adjusted back into everything well?" Haruhiko asked as he went to get himself some freshly brewed coffee.

"More or less, it was a little difficult but I've grown back into it." I smiled, from the corner of the room, I felt Usagi-chichi staring at me hard, his eyes wouldn't leave me for the rest of the evening. "How has your company been since I've been away,"

I think he took offense to that, maybe it was the way it sounded, as if I had just gone off on a vacation and came back spontaneously, or maybe it was the question in general since I knew that he hated his work at the company. He paused for a moment, it took him almost two minutes before he dared even answer me, "The company…has been fine. It's not much of a concern though, nothing to worry about." His voice strained, as he spoke, he took a sip of his coffee before the conversation went on.

"Misaki," Usagi-san called as he came into the kitchen, "why don't you come into the living room, the party is for you." He took my hand and lead me into the living room, where Isaka and Aikawa were talking about something for a story.

"Hey, Chibi, do you have eggnog?"

"Uh…no, I could go get some though-"

"We should spike it!"

"What are you, a high school student? You're a grown man, go get your own alcoholic eggnog," He pouted, poking me in the brow.

"What, were you a goody two shoe student in your day, Chibi?" He asked smugly, poking me sharply.

"I was keeping my grades up, thank you very much," I crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back in my seat, scowling.

"And we saw the effects of that," Usagi-san murmured as he took a sip of his coffee. Isaka busted into a fit of laughter, causing Aikawa to hit him harshly on the back of the head.

"Be nice!" She hissed, Haruhiko even cracked a shimmer of a smile, Usagi-chichi was staring at me intently. If Takahiro had been there, if he had sat next to me, if he had talked to me, then for a moment we would have remembered what a family had felt like again.

"Why don't you take your hat off." He asked stiffly, I froze, Aikawa and Usagi-san noticed. "It's too warm inside for you to wear a hat."

I think if I wasn't in the presence of all these people, I would have had an anxiety attack. It took me a few seconds to answer him, to even my breathing, to slow my heart, to keep myself from shaking.

"I'd rather not." I said simply. That's all I needed to say, that's all that needed to be said. But that wasn't good enough.

"Your hair has grown out hasn't it? So it can't be a bald spot. A scar perhaps? Though I heard that you came to the hospital with no fatal wounds or injuries. So what are you hiding, Misaki?" Everyone was looking at me now, I felt their eyes on me, wondering what it was I was hiding from them.

"Nothing," If anyone here was a psychologist they would have detected the withdrawal. "I just like this hat." Was that a little too curt?

"Take it off then, if you have nothing to hide then take it off." My blood turned icy.

"Don't you think you should be a bit more courteous in other peoples homes, father?" Usagi-san snapped.

"Then what's he hiding that's so terrible that he has to hide it from friends?" Was I shaking?

"He doesn't have to, if he wants to keep his hat on then leave him be." Why is my heart pounding so fast?

"If he has nothing to hide then he can take that damn hat off." Was I even breathing?

"Please, Usami-san, it's not that big of a deal, really-"

"Then he can-" Why was the fabric falling off my head, why was my hand suddenly so warm?

My ears were exposed, out in the open for them to see, they were flat against my head as I felt all those eyes glued to the mutilation, the mutation that man had given me. Everyone was quiet, I was still, but I felt my hands shaking, trembling as the silence dragged on.

Without a word, I stood up, putting the hat back on my head and going to the door, grabbing my coat. "Misaki…"

"I'm going to grab some more eggnog from the store…I think we need some more coffee too. I'll be back in a few minutes." Usagi-san grabbed my wrist, my shoulders slumped as he tried to pull me back to the living room. "No…" I whispered just loud enough for him to here.

"Please…if you leave now then you won't ever be able to have people accept you." I wish he would have just hit me and gotten it over with. "They aren't leaving, see, they don't want you to leave either. Just give them time, Misaki." I wanted to push him away, I wanted to scream and throw things like a three year old having a tantrum.

"I don't want them to look at me." I whispered. He pet my head reassuringly before taking my coat, placing it back on the coat rack. "Come on," He lead me back to where everyone was watching us, me, come back, taking my seat.

"Misaki…" Usagi-chichi began, I cut him off.

"For six months, I was trapped at the mercy of sociopath who didn't care who he hurt. I watched children become mutated and mutilated beings of pain and agony, their death came slowly if they were lucky. I watched pregnant mothers give birth to innocent infants who came out deformed and marred before they ever lived to see the sun when we were found. I watched as boys and girls my age were experimented on, they were raped of their lives, their bodies maimed into something that I wouldn't dare dream of in the farthest, darkest depths of hell. So please, before you go on, saying that I have nothing to hide, or how you're sorry, you'll never know sorry until you live in a cage and have needles injecting painful medicine, probing inside of you until you figured you would die of the pain and the humiliation. That is sorry. You were just as curious as the media and the doctors." This couldn't be my voice, this blandness, this solid coldness could be compatible with the falling snow outside. The atmosphere was intimidating, but I looked up and smiled, "Anyway, I think we're out of coffee,"

The party went on like before, the smell of cloves and sugar made me relax more into the evening before everyone left. I felt at home, even as Isaka left, giving me one last squeeze of the shoulder as he left with Aikawa who hugged me tightly.

"Misaki," Haruhiko and his father were left, "I know that what you've been through was traumatizing, and I'm sure it's nothing you would want to talk about, especially not to someone like me who really hasn't had much bad in his life, but if you need to talk, or just have someone change the subject so that maybe for a minute you'll forget it, then I hope you call me. I haven't done much good to you and my brother, but I do want you to feel safe and move on with your life." There was something dark in me that was laughing at him, that was mocking his generosity and kindness, but the better part of me shook his hand and assured him that I would.

It was a little late when Usagi-chichi had me walk him to his car, we walked in silence to the elevator and then to his car, there was something he wanted to say but he was holding back. It wasn't until we got to the car did he finally look at me, "My son has loved you for quite a while now, he's starved himself mentally and physically, he was faithful while you were in a cage. He waited for you, and I spent all those nights while you were gone wondering if he was going off the deep end, if he would really kill himself if we didn't find you. I believed it because he's never been this way before, he was never this dedicated, never this transfixed on something like a relationship. Yet you've lived with him for almost two years before this happened, and I wondered what he would do then. He held strong because he had faith in the fact that we would find you.

"I wasn't just worried about my son though, time went by and I resented you because you kept a relationship with him when he wanted nothing to do with me at all. You just popped out of nowhere and he found himself attached to you immediately, I'm his father and I wondered what you were doing that I wasn't. I thought I envied you, hated you, it was when you left that I found I didn't. I didn't hate you, maybe I was jealous because I could never make him that happy. I searched for you, not just because my sons had come to love you, to trust you enough to want to be with you and call you family, but because I've come to see you as one of my sons as well. At the party, my actions were less than called for, they were childish and cruel, I shouldn't have done that to you when you have already begun to get over this trauma. I shouldn't have done that to you, but I did. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope one day you will find that you can accept my apology for my insensitive actions."

I've been without father for eleven almost twelve years. I've lived a fruitful life with my now distant brother, I fell in love with my brother's best friend like a true cliche. I've felt the love of a brother, I've felt the embrace of a lover with Usagi-san, and the caring concern of a best friend, this is the first in a long time that I felt the love of a father. His arms wrapped around me tight, I thought I would collapse into tears that very moment, instead I wrapped my arms around him too. I hugged him tight, this was a father son moment that no one could take from me, this is what it felt like to have the acceptance and pride of a father. I never understood why the boys in high school would go into their family businesses other than because it would make their fathers proud. I didn't understand that either until now.

"Thank you, Usagi-chichi."

* * *

Merry Christmas Guys, I hope you really like this chapter, and like I said, it's much longer than the last one :D. Please review and tell me what you think and I'll add a little New Year's Chapter to it as well. Wish me luck on mid-terms and good luck with the families.

Love and Sincerity

J.C.16


	7. Chapter 7

I was back in the penthouse, already beginning to clean up the dishes and put away the leftovers, jumping when two arms wrapped around me. "What all do we have left?" Usagi-san asks, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Um…just a few more pieces of ham, almost all of the deviled eggs, a couple of sugar cookies all but a slice of the cake…I should have made a more casual meal." He laughed, holding me tighter against him.

"No, it was perfect, they were probably just saving room for their own families you know." I sighed, leaning against him, letting the plate I had been holding slip under the warm water. I grabbed the nearest dish towel and dried my hands before turning to him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I should have considered that," He places his hands on my hips, a sly smile spreading across his face as he leans forward, turning on the small portable radio near the sink. The music feels the air as his hands slide back to my hips.

_My head is stuck in the clouds  
She begs me to come down  
Says "Boy quit foolin' around"  
I told her "I love the view from up here  
The warm sun and wind in my ear  
We'll watch the world from above  
As it turns to the rhythm of love"_

I smile, swaying with him, "This doesn't really seem like your type of music," he smiles, leaning down and pecking me on the lips, it's brief and simple but it's nothing short of perfect.

"Maybe not, but it is catchy isn't it?" I laugh wholeheartedly, pressing my forehead to his, our noses grazing against each other.

"You've never struck me as someone who likes 'catchy' music,"

_We may only have tonight  
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine  
Play the Music low and sway to the rhythm of love  
My heart beats like a drum  
A guitar string to the strum  
A beautiful song to be sung_

He scoffs, taking my hand and pulling it over my head, making me spin around slowly. He holds it across my chest, pinning my back to his chest, his hand on my hip still guides my sways with his, it's rhythmic and gentle.

_She's got blue eyes deep like the sea  
That roll back when she's laughing at me_

_She rises up like the tide  
The moment her lips meet mine  
We may only have tonight  
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine_

_Play the Music low and sway to the rhythm of love_

"I'm sorry for what my father did earlier," he whispers in my ear, I pull his hand to my lips, gently kissing the soft skin of his fingers.

"Don't worry about it," I whisper back, the music filling the silence as we dance, he swings my arm back around so I can face him again.

"Really," his hands pull me closer, I slide my arms back around him, "I'm sorry."

_When the moon is low  
We can dance in slow motion  
And all your tears will subside  
All your tears will dry_

The drums, the strumming of the guitar, the low baritone and alto hums make me relax, I lean forward, kissing the tip of his nose, "It's ok,"

His arms move up my sides, tracing my frame before wrapping around my back, his hands meeting in the space between my shoulder blades. "Do you ever think of leaving Japan?" his voice is low but sincere, for a moment I can't be sure if it's his voice or the radio.

"Sometimes, I wouldn't want to though, there's too much history here," I look up at him with curious eyes, "Do you think of leaving?" his lavender eyes, only a shade above violet in the low lighting of Christmas lights and the lamps, look down at me with honesty and defeat.

"Yes,"

_You'll still be humming along  
And I will keep you in my mind  
The way you make love so fine_

"I think about packing up everything and stealing you away from the world, hiding out somewhere in Europe or the England. Somewhere away from all of this stress and angst and the pain, I want you away from that too, I know it's been hard with what that bastard did but…it'd be easier if we just left wouldn't it?" I sigh quietly, lowly so he wouldn't hear me.

"I would." I reply, resting my head on his chest, "I would love to leave and never see this place again. Never remember the distant memories my parents haunt me with, never remember where I lost so many friends, never remember where I saw you hurt so badly the first time." I move my hand down to his bicep, rubbing it with my thumb. "But I don't want to forget where my brother taught me to ride a bike, where I first fell in love with you. If we left, if we packed everything up and left Japan, leaving your brother and father, my own brother and his wife, Sumi-senpai, Aikawa-san,

"Then he would win." My voice was firm at the end, showing my protest, "What would I do then, Usagi-san, what I would I do if I let him win?"

_We may only have tonight  
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine  
Play the music low and sway to the rhythm of love_

As the song faded, we stopped swaying, stopped moving, only holding each other close, letting the silence overcome us, wash over the bubbles in the sink and spill into the floor and float into the air, intoxicating us, suffocating us as the announcers static voice talked about nonsense. Time had stopped in the kitchen, in the penthouse that still smelled of cloves and sugar, we were frozen in time for a moment, this being one of the only times we would ever have to take in a single breath of stillness, of peace. We could take in the way the other smelled of cologne and soap, how crisp and pressed his shirt felt against my skin and how I felt as though I could lean on him and still be held up, the way his hands, cool and smooth, felt pressed against my back holding me up with him like a lifeline. The hum of the air conditioner, the dim lighting of the lights that wrapped around the railing and tapped around the counter, the faint, small sound of dying soap bubbles, the rhythmic feel of his heart beating against his chest against mine, it was like a breathing serenade.

"You wouldn't leave me, right?" his hands held me tighter, I felt his head lower to my ear, his hair tickling my cheek, his breath, smoking and warm, whispered so sincerely.

"Never."

I turned my head, our lips grazing against one another were so close it seemed, his body pressed against mine, our breaths mingled, colliding together before our lips actually met. It was slow but deep, his hands slid against my body, tracing the creases and lines, his thumbs going over the edges of my ribs. I let my body submit to him, his hands moving up my shirt, traveling over the valley of my stomach, going to my chest where sensitive skin erupted into hard nubs under his cool fingers. I sighed, gripping his shoulders tightly, his hands moved out from under my shirt, now working on unbuttoning the pearly polished buttons easily, moving swiftly up to the last top button, pushing the sides away so they barely hung to my shoulders.

I gasped as thin lips attached to my collarbone, soft kisses and chaste nips made my skin patch into goosebumps. My hands slid to his hair, my vision turned blurry as his attention moved to my nipples, I bit my bottom lip, the pain was the only thing keeping me down to earth, his fingers dragged down lower, lower and lower until they were at my belt. I watched with half lidded eyes as his fingers moved torturously slow, sliding the buckle out of place so that the belt hung limply by the belt loops. Touching without contact, this was his way of driving me absolutely mad, the buttons on my pants were undone, the zipper was down before I could realize it, they were falling off my hips. All the while, his eyes never left me, he watched my expressions, the way my chest rose and fell at a fastening pace while his fingers demonstrated how long it had been since this passion had built up between us.

I pulled him back in for another kiss, it lingered, our lips more heated now, pushing together harder, his tongue was first to move sliding over my lips, entering inside, allowing my own muscle to work with his. Without my knowing he was guiding me backwards, pushing me against the counter, our bodies pushed together in a needy sway, I removed my pants from my ankles along with my socks, all falling to the floor easily leaving me only in my boxers and hate. My bandaged tail was still stuck to my thigh and leg and before I could do anything to stop it, he was on his knees, his hands rubbing my hips, then my thighs, looking up at me with such a wanting, such a hunger my knees almost buckled. The first patch of bandages were removed, he was careful not to tear any fur out of the tail or leave my thigh with a red mark, he went down until all of the white bandages lay shredded on the floor, my tail free, swaying from side to side. He grinned at me mischievously, pulling down my boxers, leaving my bare skin to lean on the cold wood of the cabinets and the rest of myself exposed, he took hold of my member gently, holding it almost lovingly before starting an even rhythm of strokes.

I bit my hand to silence my moans, only weak whimpers coming from the back of my throat as his tongue run up the underside of it. His hand pushed my chest up to keep me upright as his mouth took my head in, euphoria coursed through my veins as he went lower, taking more of me inside his mouth. The way his head moved up and down, bobbing in this even pattern, sent me on strides of ecstasy that made my knees weak, my completion drawing not far behind. I gasped, arching my back off the edge of the counter, just as I felt that my climax would come it receded back inside of me, cool air hitting my damp and exposed skin. My vision was too blurry at the time, but I could feel cool hands removing my now slightly sweat damped hat, tossing it amongst my other clothes, my ears lay flat against my scalp as those same cool fingers rubbed them gingerly, caringly. "Misaki," his mouth was near mine, his breath hot and smelling strongly of cigarettes. It was addicting.

"Please," I whispered, my brow furrowed in frustration, in neediness, "please, Usagi-san," the want has built up, it's unbearable, "make…make love to me." It's a whisper, it's needy, almost pitiful, but I feel him push against me. I can see better now, quickly, almost franticly I'm undoing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt before yanking it off his shoulders. I push myself against his lips, surely bruising them for the morning to show, I had never felt this desperate, this wanting for someone's love or affection until now, his touch, his stare, it was all driving me mad.

I felt his fingers trail down my spine, tracing the vertebrae before moving under my tail, while his other hand pushed up my thigh so his moist finger could enter me. I hissed at the intrusion, the slight string was bearable as it moved in and out of me, the second followed, I was more aware of this pain than the last, the feeling of them separating only an inch or two inside of me was odd but I had expected it. They pushed deeper, my eyes shot open, staring up at violet colored eyes that glowed in the low light, I squirmed wanting that feeling, that pleasure one more time. He added the third while I was on another run of pleasure, I barely felt it as they moved simultaneously, I gripped his shoulder, gasping, panting, his name spewing out of my mouth in a choppy form. It was sudden when they were removed, it was also sudden when I was pushed up onto the counter, the cold tile made chills run down my legs, the rustling sound of his belt and pants hitting the tile floor made me briefly aware of what would happen next, and then the pressure, stimulating and painful, was against me, first the head entered and my breath hitched, the ach already beginning to pulse up my back as more pushed in. I was trembling, shaking in pain when he was all the way inside, his hand gently pushed my chin up, tears spilled out the corners of my eyes, his eyes sympathetic, apologetic as he kissed my eyelids softly.

After some of the burning had ebbed away, I nodded, looking up at him with certainty, allowing him to move on his own now. The first thrust was painful, but it sent nostalgia through me, this was familiar but it felt so new to me. The second thrust came, it was just as painful, then the third and soon it was a even steady ride, I lost count when he hit that small spot inside of me that send euphoria coursing through my veins, the pain, the fear, the pleasure, the security all began to build as his thrusts increased. His hand went through my hair, pulling me back so I could look at him, his dark purple eyes just as clouded with lust as mine, sweat formed on his brow, his lips, red and swollen, were parted as he panted. His breath was hot against my face, he leaned down, capturing me in a kiss, our tongues gliding together, our bodies meshing against one another, we were dancing in this push and pull manner.

I saw white, I felt completion, we were no longer two people but one entity, our climaxes came together and we were close again. His essence filling me, the dim lights, the smell of cloves and sugar, the smell of cologne and soap, the feel of heated and cold tiles beneath me, his heat still inside me, it was a high all on its own. Then we came crashing down, his equally weak arms held me up to his chest, my ears were no longer pressed to my scalp but naturally up, his hands moved under my tail, picking me up, cradling me against him as he carried me to the couch. We collapsed onto the sofa, the cushions were more inviting than the tiles, his flesh against mine was our only warmth until he pulled a blanket over us, I was under him, holding onto him as my drowsiness overtook my body.

"Misaki," he whispered in my natural ear, I shivered, his lavender eyes were shaded in the dimness of the lights, it was so tranquil and peaceful. "I love you," his cold hand caressing my cheek, trying to keep me awake for a minute longer.

"I love you, too," it was slurred and sloppy compared to his more coherent domineer, but he smiled all the same, kissing me one more time before unconsciousness fell over me.

It was the following morning, when I woke to the light of day break, the city was glowing from our window view, the sky painted hues of purple and blue that reminded me of the man laying on top of me. I smiled, he looked so childish when he was asleep, when he was at rest, I brushed a few strands of silver hair away from his face. I laid with him, enjoying the warmth and security, I felt like a teenager who had spent the night with his lover, who had just experienced his first taste of the sinful fruits of adultery, so flavorful and sweet, addicting. I felt like this was what I had been missing for six months, this meaningfulness, this peacefulness, this honest love was what I had missed in a cage. It was a few minutes before I was able to move out from under him, limping to the kitchen to gather our clothes, I slipped on his button up so I would be covered as I moved around, throwing the clothes in the hamper before going to throw out the spoiled meat. I stopped when I saw a small envelope in the middle of the doorway, it was a cream color with a small black stripe going through it. I picked it up, leaning on the door, checking to see if it had a name, only in small characters did it spell out my name. I tore the seal off, pulling out a small card, it was a black and white floral design with one red rose in the middle, I opened it and my world ended.

_I'm back, little Misaki. _

_

* * *

_I thought you guys might enjoy some smut done at two in the morning, sorry it's crappy, and a little suspense~

Well, I've got to get up and get ready for school, wish me luck on exams and please, please, please review.

Love and Joy,

J.C.16

P.S.

Let me know what you think of the sex scene, I've been trying to get more sincere and detailed with it and I need to know where I need improvement.


	8. Chapter 8

My hands shook as I read the note over and over and over and over again, the words imprinting themselves into my mind, the characters seem to float off the page and wrap themselves around my throat, choking me, suffocating me. Black edges its way to my vision, my world begins to tilt to the side, the card, smooth and glossed, slips out of my grip and falls to the floor.

All the memories come flooding back in a wave of nausea and anxiety and fear, I remember the cold cage that trapped me, the tantalizing instruments that turned me into this monster. I remember the way the needles felt as they broke my skin and injected liquids of multiple colors, the way the damp smell would make me sleepy, the way the hum of the air conditioner above us would lull me to sleep. The way his voice, cold and coarse and calloused would tell me that I am a beautiful creature of his making, that more experiments will be done so that I am perfect in every way, shape and form. I would be his pet, his perfect creation, his alone to have and to remake over and over again until I was the perfection in flesh. I remember the screams that made me shiver, and keep me up some nights, I remember watching as one boy turned inside out, his bones and insides hanging out on the floor in bloody heap, the way his choked scream reminded me of a drowning bird. I remember the way that one girl grabbed me as blood spewed from every orifice, staining my skin red and sticky, he had to give me a bath so that the chemicals inside her wouldn't ruin his experiment with me. All of the memories come back, they hit me full force, it's the first time I've truly, truly thought about it at all, after all this time of wanting to forget.

A murmured thud strikes my attention, I can't turn my head, the side of it throbbing, I just got up but I'm so sleepy now. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear my name in this echoing murmur, my eyes close, and the world is still again.

_Usagi-san POV_

The warmth that was near me just a few hours was gone, I was groggy as I woke up, reaching over the couch to see if he had just moved. A dull but loud thud made me jump up, Misaki on the floor, sprawled out awkwardly. In a second, I was by his side, pulling him up close to my chest, cradling him. "Misaki. Misaki wake up, come on, wake up!" I felt like a child calling out to his mother.

I felt desperate.

No matter how much I called out to him, no matter how hard I shook him, his eyes never even fluttered. I picked him up, not knowing much else to do, and carried him upstairs, to our bed and I held him so tightly, clinging onto the hope that he was ok. I felt his breathing, even and calm, while mine had become accelerated and rigid. I don't long we laid there, I don't know if I fell asleep or stayed awake the entire time, but I knew at some point I felt him stir and reluctantly I went down stairs to get him some water. A black and white piece of paper caught my attention, curiously I opened it, and I knew why I found him passed out.

I took a breath, then two, then three before I went back upstairs, I watched him sleep from the doorway, I watched fear etch across his face, I heard his breathing become erratic and harsh, and I could almost feel how hard his heart was beating. I woke him up from his nightmare, his eyes wide and fearful, his nonhuman ears flat against his head, his hair splayed out on the pillow. "Usagi-san," his voice was a whisper, small and timid, I brought my hand down and caressed his cheek as tears began to flow down, trickling between my fingers.

I pulled him up into a sitting position, his body like a doll, limp and weak, and I held him so close to me, I ran my fingers through his hair, I let his body jerk against me as sobs of pain, angst, hurt, and fear racked his body to the seams. His face was buried in the crook of my neck, his tears dampening my skin, his hands holding me so tightly it was almost unbearable.

"It'll be ok," I coo into his ear, "I'll protect you," I promise him, I mean every word I utter, but everything he's been hiding is showing it's face now, promising more pain in the future just as I promise to protect. I kiss his temple, his sobs have turned to short gasps, he curls up into me, his thin shoulders are under one arm, his hands hold my other arm to his front, my legs go around him and he fits himself between my thighs, just holding onto me.

Almost a year ago, this would have made me happy, it would have made me feel complete, loved, and cared for, now I feel like I'll lose him any minute now. That man will come barging in like an assailant, and rip him from my grasp and drag him away so that I'll never see him again, the very thought breaks my heart all over again. I have no doubt in his abilities, he took my Misaki while I wasn't looking, I'm more afraid now than I was before, if I lost him again, if I have to live in that pain, in that loneliness again…

I wasn't going to make it.

"Usagi-san," his voice brings me back to reality, I stroke his hair soothingly.

"What is it," his mix matched eyes look at me with somberness that made me ach, I kiss his forehead, "What is it, darling,"

"We need to think about the future." His voice was distained, almost cold, "If…If he comes back…if he takes me again…then I want to say this now in case I don't get another chance."

"No," I shake my head, I can't hear this, he can't do this to me now, "Please, please don't do this to me, Misaki…" his warm fingers touch the back of my neck, massaging my stubbornly tense muscles.

"Just listen," he sets himself on his knees, facing me, his hands still caressing my neck, "If…If he does take me away again, there is the chance that I will die this time. There is a chance that I won't come back,"

_My heart is shattering_

"I don't you to be sad, I know you'll grieve and that's fine, but don't let me ruin your happiness…don't let that die with me, Usagi…Akihiko…I want you to grow old, well older," he chuckles faintly. "But do that for me, do that because I won't get the chance."

_My world is crumpling_.

"It's ok if you find love again, if anything I would want you to, I wouldn't want to be the reason you didn't love again. I wouldn't be able to stand it. I know that you'll lay awake one day and think that it isn't fair, that it shouldn't have happened. After you think that, after you get angry at yourself, at your family, at your friends, at the police, at that man, at me, I want you to promise you'll also think that things happen for a reason."

_I can't lose him._

"I know that you love me…I love you too, I know I haven't said that enough, that I haven't told you that when we made love, or when I left for school, or when you had a meeting. I should have, I wish I had, because I look back at all those memories and I want to tell you that over and over again. If I die, I want you to know, that I do love you, no matter how reluctant I was in the past."

_Don't tell me this._

"It's ok," am I crying, he wipes away the tears that I didn't know I had been crying. "Please don't cry, Akihiko…I don't want to make you sad." His eyes are warm but solemn, my hand caresses his cheek, there's fear in me now, and anger, and hurt.

"How can I not be sad," I say, the words fall off my tongue before I can stop them, "you're acting as though you're expecting him to take you away. I'm not going to let him, don't you understand that, I don't want you to die. I don't want to on without you and you tell me that it's ok to find love again, to move on, to be angry? I can't do that…I don't want to find love again, I have it, I don't want to move on, I like where I am with you, I don't want to be angry, I can't be when you talk like this.

"Why are doing this to me now? Do you really want to break my heart some more?" His eyes are looking anywhere but at me, I'm sure he's hoping I don't see the tears that have built up in his eyes. I turn his head towards me, his tears already running down his still wet and sticky face, his shoulders tremble.

"I don't…I don't want to leave you without you knowing that." I press my forehead against his, closing my eyes at the warmth it provides, our lips just brushing over each other.

"You won't leave me," I whisper, I grab his hand, interlacing our fingers together, "I won't let you." He chokes on a short chuckle, his hand squeezing mine in return.

For a minute, that fleeting doubt leaves us, and we're simple people, with simple ambitions. We are not victim and family, we are Misaki and Usagi-san. We are in love, we are happy, we are not worried about the unseen man who steals loved ones out of their bed in the middle of the night and takes them away. We are still who we were before all of this, but for a moment, we don't remember what happened those six months, and we drown in the easiness that the moment brings, in the strength this gives us. For a moment I have no doubts that we will be fine and he will never find us.

_But it's only for a moment._

_

* * *

_Well, what do you guys think? Good? Bad? Too emotional? Not emotional enough?

Let me know!

J.C.16


	9. Chapter 9

It was days later, when all had calmed down, when we were just starting to think that it was all a prank, that was when everything went to hell.

_Hours later_

We were in bed, it was New Years Eve and we wanted to stay up late tonight to watch the fireworks, I watched him sleep, the way his hair was splayed on his pillow, framing his feature ever so elegantly. The way his eyes would move underneath his eyelids; I hoped he was dreaming peacefully, the way his bare chest rose and fell rhythmically, and how occasionally his lips would twitch into a half smile. In the warmth of the room, under the covers, against the sheets, it was like the world had stopped as the hours passed by, I watched him breath and sleep, mesmerized by the tranquility of his demeanor while everything else had begun to turn to chaos once again.

As seven o'clock came about it was time for him to wake up, the fireworks were important, I leaned over placing my lips on his. It was only a minute later that I felt his lips press against mine, a smile spreading against my lips. I pulled back, warm green eyes looked up at me with a welcoming smile.

"Good morning," he said, looking over to the clock, "er…evening?"

I laughed, leaning down and taking his lips again, "Just in time to make dinner and watch the fireworks," I whisper against his cheek, he laughs as he stretches out his muscles.

"Let me get dressed and I'll even have time to make some dessert," he says, looking up at me, "What do you want by the way? I could make some Salmon, or I could run to the store and pick up some sushi?" I rested my chin on his head, thinking, humming lightly.

"Salmon, I want you to myself tonight," he scoffed.

"Greedy,"

"Possessive,"

"Selfish,"

"Loving,"

"Needy,"

"Dominant,"

He stopped, looking up at me with an almost stunned expression, I smiled down at him, hovering over him on my knees and hands, trapping him under me, "I win," I say smugly, swooping down and again claiming his lips for my own.

I felt him smile just a bit before pushing up against me, his hands remaining under his pillow, "Do we really want to do this before the New Year?" he asks me when I pull away for him to breathe.

"Well…" I thought for a moment, "we could do it at eleven," I say, trailing my fingers down his chest, his face turns bright red, his skin shakes underneath my touch, "then we could tell people we did it till New Year morning," I smile, a soft hit across the face with a pillow was my reward.

"Not funny," he says, but he's smiling, I'm sure he's mocking me.

"Yes it is," I retort, moving so I'm laying beside him again, "you just don't want me telling anyone,"

He scoffs, rubbing his temples with his index finger and thumb, "God, I can only imagine who you'd tell. Knowing you, you'd probably go running to your brother, bragging about it," he says frowning.

"Don't be silly," I poke him on the cheek, "I'd tell your brother," his eyes go wide, he's sitting up, about to yell at me.

"Why not just show him," a cold voice says, I bolt up, looking where a dark figure stood, leaning against the door, arms crossed. "My Misa-chan, I had figured you would have much more shame than this, exploiting love affairs?" a dark chuckle makes my skin crawl and my stomach sink. "You should have told me earlier,"

As he steps closer I can make out just a few facial features, I can tell he's middle aged, probably a little older than myself, his hair is black, most of it brushed back but a rather tussled look. His eyes are piercing, an icy blue that makes me want to hit something, they're staring at Misaki. He's trying to push himself against the headboard, I think he knows that he can't get away, but he still wants to try, this makes the man smile.

"Now, now, Misa-chan, you know I'd never hurt my perfect experiments," he walks closer to the bed, I'm already ready to pounce as he walks to the foot of the bed, before I can get my fist close to his face it's caught in his grip. He's smirking at Misaki, never taking his eyes off him, "It seems your suitor doesn't like me so much," his smile is twisted and sick, crowded white teeth gleam like a monster's fangs.

"Leave him out of this!" I scream, it almost rattles the house, I glare, anger fueling me as I try to jerk my arm back so I could throw another punch. Before I get the chance, something stings in my arm, my breath leaves me. For the first time, he looks at me, his smile never faltering, his eyes are malicious though he seems so calm, so collected.

"There now, you'll be much more comfortable this way," he coos as my body goes numb, I fall forward, half hanging off the bed half just laying awkwardly on the bed. I feel small hands pull me up, but even then I can barely feel it, Misaki pulls me up and lowers me back to pillows. Worry and fear are dancing in his eyes, tears are already starting to arise, "Don't worry Misa-chan, all my little drug does is numb him, he can't feel much of anything."

Misaki's head jerks to the side, I guess he's staring, but the man only smiles back, moving forward and placing a hand on his cheek. "Don't!" I hear him yell, pushing himself away, he's against the headboard again, his knees drawn to his chest, his arms bracing himself against the mattress.

"Don't be like that Misa-chan," one knee is on the bed, he come closer, rage is boiling inside of me as I try to push myself up, my muscles straining against the drug. He looks at me again, noticing my struggle, "Your poor suitor is angry with me, Misa-chan, poor thing, he seems so helpless doesn't he? He can't do anything to help you now can he?" he's mocking me.

"Shut up!" Misaki screams again, his ears flat against his head, "Usagi-san isn't any of your concern! Just leave him alone!" It looks like realization is overtaking the man's face, he looks at me, stunned, before looking back to Misaki.

"So…this is your darling Usagi-san?" he moves his focus to me, looking me over, "I always thought you'd be more into the weaker men, Misa-chan. I'm surprised. He's got a nice built, and a strong frame, he'd be a good candidate for experiments."

"No!" I look back at Misaki, tears are running down his face, his shoulders are shaking, he's got a hold of the man's sleeve. "Not him…" I hear his desperation, his fear, I can't speak, otherwise I'd tell him that it'd be ok.

The man is looking back between him and I, studying his desperation and my helpless state, a smile spreads when he looks back to Misaki. "Come with me then," his voice is welcoming but icy, he looks at me, smiling smugly before climbing off the bed. "Tell him goodbye, and I'll be waiting downstairs." As he walks to the door, opening it, he turns towards me, I can make out a few strands of silver in his hair and the faint lines of becoming wrinkles. "It was nice meeting you, Akihiko-san," he disappears, my blood is cold, if I could feel anything I would be shaking.

"I'm sorry," I look back, Misaki is looking down at me, tears are dripping down his chin, his tail is limb on the mattress, "I love you…" he says, leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. I can't feel it.

Within that minute, he pulls the covers up to my shoulders, straightening out my body so I don't fall off the bed, he fluffs the pillow before grabbing a few of his clothes and coming back to me. "Don't forget what I told you," he's gone too.

_Misaki POV_

My heart is collapsing in my chest, it's falling apart as I walk down the stairs towards him, he's smiling. "I'm glad you didn't take long, I would have gotten worried," he wraps an arm around my shoulders as he takes me away from the penthouse, leading me to the parking garage. "We'll take you home and get some blood work going, God knows all those pesky medicines those foolish doctors gave you. We'll clean you out of anything they've put in you and get some new experiments going, I also want to do a physical, make sure you haven't gotten too hypersensitive to anything or too used to anything."

I look down, though his arms are comforting, I'm trembling, I want to run away from here, from everything, from him, "Now, now, no tears," he says, wiping away a few tears with his thumb, "It'll be as painless as possible, and with having to move recently, you're the only one I have at the moment," he says this soothingly, I cringe as he looks me over. "We'll also have to make sure that your ears are working just fine, do some hearing tests and make sure your tail is also functioning with sounds and emotions." He opens the car door for me, pushing me inside before getting in on the driver's side.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" the words are a whisper as they tumble out, he looks at me, his smile fading.

"Poor Misa-chan, you don't seem to understand," the engine comes on, the warm air blows from the air conditioner, "No matter, you'll find out soon enough."

* * *

Ahhh, I'm sorry it's so short! And kind of rushed, just wanted to get it out there before too long, I hope you guys at least enjoyed some of it!

Happy New Year loves!

J.C.16


	10. Chapter 10

The ride to his "lab" was in silence, his humming and the beating rain on the windows were my only music, an eerie tune that will haunt me from now on. I drift off, the quaint lullaby drifting me to sleep, at least in my dreams I can see the person I want to.

He wakes me up, shaking me harshly with an innocent smile, "We're home, Misaki," his voice is giddy, almost shrill, like he's so happy to have me again. I guess in his mind, I'm a present, a prize he's won for all his hard work.

His place is a small house, I don't know where we are, but it must be in some suburb. It's small, when he pushes me through the door, I can see the living room and the kitchen. It's neat, but at the same time it looks disgusting, the carpet is a dingy white with a few stains of what looks like coffee or soda. The coffee table is covered with papers and bottles, so is the loveseat and sofa, the only thing bare is the recliner that sits waiting for him. The kitchen's hardwood floor is dulled, it's probably been a few decades since it's been waxed, the counters are covered with little viles and dishes, the small dining table is foldable but it carries the same burden as the counters, holding twice it's weight, it's bending but not breaking.

"I'm sorry for the mess, I had gotten a call on your location right in the middle of cleaning up." He says, he pushes me into the kitchen and shoves me down on one of the foldable chairs. He goes to the counter and rumages through a few viles before picking one up. He digs into a drawer and pulls out a syringe, his eyes turn to me, I can see his excitement, his joy. What he wants and plans to do to me, he smiles crookedly and strides over smoothly, holding up a vile of thick purple liquid.

"It's a new drug I've made," he says so proudly, " I've been using it to get information about my projects that the police took away," he cups my chin in his hand, "Like you, my little Misa-chan. I haven't thought of a name yet, but it's a hallucinogen, you just have to think happy thoughts. It's like something for Alzheimer, you can remember touch, sight, sound, even smell. It's amazing, I've been trying to make it perfect for a while now, but I didn't want to try it out on junkies. All those other drugs systems might harm them, you on the other hand are clean, and you're mine," I could die in his eyes from that smile, "so you'll be perfect for it."

He grabs my arm and holds it out, he pushes the needle into my vein and pushes on the plunger. "It'll take a few seconds, but you'll feel nice. I want you to think of the time you and Usami-san first kissed," Everything fades out, his face disappears in a blur of light, the sticky hardwood floors turn into asphalt and cement that are covered with ice and snow. Everything is dark, but a street light floods the block with florescent white, making the snow shimmer.

I feel cold, my nose numb, my eyes sting and my face feels wet. My heart's pounding in my chest, but I feel something close, something warm. For a minute, I'm dizzy, my world sways but when I look up again, violet eyes are looking down at me, with shock and content, with love and with surprise, like they knew it would happen just not when. Silver hair that frames a blemish less face, tickles my forehead, hot breath that smells of coffee and cigarettes surrounds my lips and chin, before a firm pressure captures my lips. Strong arms wrap around me, shielding me from the cold, from the heartache, from the pain, just for the moment. But I feel it, I feel it like it was real, and without being told to, I wrap my arms around him too, and cling to his jacket as if I was going to fade away too. More tears gather in my eyes, and as I let them slip closed, they fall in hot streams down my cheeks. I take everything in, the way he looked at me, the way his lips feel against mine, the musky smell of paper and smoke on his jacket, the joy that swells in my chest, I could drown with all these emotions and be born again with happiness all over again.

"Very good," something whispers, I don't pull away, I pull this Usagi-san closer, "now think of the time you found out your parents died."

'_No, please don't let me forget this!'_ I can't find my voice to scream, but the thoughts echo in my mind.

The pressure against my lips fades, the warmth disappears, the snow melts and the light turns brighter. The asphalt turns into hardwood floors beneath my feet that become bare and smaller, my hand feels hot and there's a small ache to it, when my eyes adjust to the light change, I look up. It's not Usagi-san this time, but my brother, standing in his student uniform, shaking. His hair covers his eyes, but I can feel his anguish, his pain, the officers standing before us are giving him their condolences. One of them looks at me, he's older, and stress and age have taken their toll on his looks. His face is wrinkled, but it's gentle, his hair shimmers with fine white hairs, "I'm so sorry," his voice is gentle and soft, he knows I understand, he knows I can't bring them back, that he can't bring them back.

All of them emotions surround me again, pain and sadness, hopelessness and anguish, fear and frustration build around us like a shield. My brother shakes, and as the officers leave, he kneals down, eye level with me and holds my shoulders, not looking at me. "Misaki," his voice shakes, but he's trying to be strong for the both of us, "…I…I can't be dad…or mom…b-but I'll still be here for you. You'll live with me, ok? I'll make sure that you still have your childhood, like you should," he stifles a sob, and pulls me close, his arms threaten to mold us into one, to break into bite size pieces that the rest of life and chew and spit out easily. But he holds it together.

"Don't worry about anything, I'll take of it, I promise…I promise." He buries his head in my chest, my arms, so much shorter now, much more flexible, wrap around his neck, because I have to be strong for him too. My words echo through me, I made them hurry, I am to blame for their deaths, for my brother's sorrow, for my own destruction. It was my fault, but no one will say it, it hurts to blame this on anyone but themselves.

"Nii-san,"

The world blends to me, the sticky hardwood floors, the dirty kitchen, the stale smell of aged coffee, the man sitting beside me, watching me with a crooked smile.

"Fun right?"

Nausea hits me, my stomach turns in itself and I lurch over and heave, my stomach acid spills onto the floor, when my muscles stop clentching, I lean back, shivering, everything is so cold.

"Nausea, fever, those are the just the worst symptoms, they'll go away after a few hours," he stands, grabbing a rag and wiping up my fluids before tossing it away. He looks at me again, smiling, "That's my good little boy,"

He wraps his arms around me and picks me up, he carries me to a door that leads to basement. I lean my head against him as he walks further down, I open my eyes to just a sliver and look to see what awaits me.

Nothing.

Empty cages line the walls, a desk with a chair and computer sit next to the stairs, he sets me down on the cold floor before going to a small closet. He pulls out a blanket and a tiny pillow, he looks at a cage then looks at me.

"Please…" I whisper, "Please no…please not there again, please…please not there," tears gather my eyes, stinging them, the world is blurry again as they spill over. The sound of his feet coming closer make me cringe, he kneals down and strokes my cheek.

"What did you want, Misaki," he asks, his voice smooth and comforting, but icy. "What was your plan like you told Usami-san all that time ago, you remember don't you? I heard you dream all those nights, but I never got to ask what your plan was," he's mocking me, smiling as I cry, as I die just bit by bit.

I think for a minute and I remember what he's talking about again.

"I…" I swallow hard, trying not to collapse completely, "I wanted to finish college…" I hiccup, these words weren't meant for him, not for people like him who can't understand this dream, "a-and…I wanted to…stay…" my hands shake as I wrap them around my upper half, nausea creaps up on me again. I close my eyes and wait for my stomach to settle a bit, "t-to stay with him…I wanted to…to live with him…"

"Didn't you already?" He asks, smiling still, he knows my dream, he just has to confirm it.

"I wanted…to…to love him…"

"But you did." He stifles a small chuckle, cupping my cheek and wiping a tear away with his thumb, "You did most of your dream, why continue?"

"Because I wanted to stay in love with him," It's forced out, my throat is sore, this words are meant for Usagi-san, meant for him when the time was right. Not now. "I wanted to get…get a job…and…prove that…that I was…just as good as he was…to him…to his f-father…and…a-and to nii-san…"

Is this hopelessness, or just anger, or fear? Whatever it is, it's overwhelming, but it saticfies him in every way possible.

"Good boy," he rubs my ears, he has to remind me of what a monster I am, he leaves the blanket and pillow out and goes up the stairs. He looks back at me, one more time, he clicks the light off, and again I'm in total darkness.

* * *

I'm really sorry guys! I wanted to update sooner but Latin and Algebra have been keeping me on my toes lately. But I'm back with fresh ideas and in need of constructive criticism!

Oh! In case you haven't heard, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi is becoming an anime series, so be sure to look for it!

As Always, Love You Guys~


	11. Chapter 11

Aikawa finds me the next day, I'm still tucked in bed and slowly, agonizingly slowly, regaining feeling in my limbs. I watch as she calls the police and an ambulance, their all here within minutes while she helps me sit up.

"Where's Misaki?" she asks, I lower my head, shame over comes me, had it now been the drug it'd be the helplessness that paralyzed me. Immediately after putting me on the stretcher, they start an IV and get fluids into me before carting me into the ambulance, a police officer joining them.

"Usami-san, can you tell me what you remember?" I struggle to talk but get a few words out.

"T-The man…t-…ook…Misa…ki…drug…me…" he nods before one of the paramedics puts a oxygen mask over my nose and mouth.

The ride is bumpy, I feel like I'm being tossed from side to side the faster we go, the paramedics talk back and forth, something about glyclose levels and T3 levels, I block them out. I let my thoughts consume me, I let my imagination, which has taken me to far away places, over come me.

I'm not in an ambulance, I'm with him again, I'm with Misaki again, I'm holding him close to me. He's snuggled on my lap, looking up at me with innocent green eyes, his chocolate brown hair splayed on my lap. His dainty shoulders rest on my knees, I pet his hair as I read on the floor, he watches the cooking channel. We're at the penthouse, it smells like strawberry pie, cooking in the oven, and cloves and sugar from the homeade crust. He plays with the Suzuki-san with the pale purple tie around it, occasionally, he'll reach up and pull a strand of hair that lays on my forehead.

"What're you doing," I ask, looking down at him, he smiles with a light blush tinting his cheeks.

"You looked too serious," he says, lowering his hand back down, I take it before it gets too low, lacing my fingers with his.

I lean down and peck his lips, "I wish we could stay like this forever,"

3rd Person

The ambulance pulls up to the hospital doors, immediately the paramedics rush in with him, shoving the doors open. The florescent light floods over the Usami's face, they rush him into the Emerency Room. Needles push into his skin, blood tests are run quickly, IV's, blood pressure levels, heart rhythms.

All the while, lavender colored eyes remain distant, unaware of the needles, of the hustling doctors, of the nurses that rush to make sure he's still breathing.

His family arrives in a matter of minutes, his father, the first one there, struts in, knowing all too well what to expect. He gives his name, his stature still and calm, they tell him to take a seat and they'll be with him shortly.

He does, he sits on a hard plastic chair that doesn't match his proper demineenor. He sits up straight, unmoving, and deep breathing, all the while others walk by him as he looks straight ahead, hands clenched on his knees.

It's only a few minutes before the doctor comes out, he introduces himself but it goes unnoticed, he leads the cool headed man to his son's room. His son, is youngest son, sits up on the bed, slightly slouched, his eyes distant and hollow. His hands, relaxed on his lap, are limp, he doesn't notice either of the two come in, his gaze remains on his sheets. The doctor leaves them after explaining what had happened, the father doesn't move until the door shuts and they are alone, father and son.

He takes a seat next to his son, he scoots it up closer, and grasps his son's hand with both of his, like a comforting parent should. He's silent for a minute, then his shoulders shake, the world around them begins to crumble, piece by little piece, as he holds his son's hand.

"Akihiko," it's a name he gave his son, it's always sounded so pretty to him, now it sounds so terribly sad, "Please, Akihiko, please say something," his voice is weak, not something any other normal person would recognize from such a strong structured man.

But he's crumbling, inside and out.

"Please," he shakes even more, gripping his son's unmoving hand tightly, "Please," he's on the verge of desperation.

Wet droplets hit the sheets, one after another, a dam breaks, and the flood of emotion let's loose. He sobs, praying, pleading with his son, with any god who would listen to a father's plea to bring his sons' home. To protect the son that had been taken away yet again, and to give strength to the son who was left with the damage.

He sits there, crying, and praying for what seems like hours, in the midst of his prayers, he feels his son's hand tighten around his. He lifts his tear stained face, shock and hope fill his eyes as the son's grip tightens. Lavender colored eyes, still distant and hollow, fill with tears that spill over in a matter of seconds.

"Akihiko," he whispers, afraid of moving, fearful that if he moves too suddenly, his son will retreat back within himself. But the grip on his hand is crushing and tight, his son doesn't move, his face remains passive as tears flood down his cheeks and drip off his chin.

"Father…" it's almost a foreign word in the still tense atmosphere that slowly manifests into hope and greif. He hands shake, his father grips them both, showing that he's there for him, that he won't leave, that he's ok. At the same time, nothing is ok, the world is still cracking away beneath them, leaving them standing on the gravel of a dream that whispers itself into the room and keeps the heart monitor beeping.

"Father," he says again, his throat tight, choking back all the sobs and sorrow of losing everything once again, "father," it's shaky now, his father's arms wrap around him and hug him tightly. "Father," he's shaking all over now, pain has surfaced again, realization has fallen onto him once more, he's lost everything, everything that pulled him out of his sociopathic pain and into a much brighter and happier person.

He sniffles, he feels so small again, so tiny and helpless, so pathetic in the arms of his father that had left him cold so many years ago.

The eyes of his father no longer see a matured man, not a professional author, not a man of principles and structure like he had been raised, but a child that he left so long ago in his arms. He's sees his little boy, broken and defeated from the cruelties that the world has bestowed upon him in such a time of prime life and joy. He hugs his son tighter, silently praying to keep his both of his lost sons' strong and safe.

The wasteland that had made it's distance between the father and son has collapsed, if only for a moment, and the support that aged hands give him are all he wants right now. To be told that he couldn't have stopped this, even though he doubts that in the bottom of his heart, to be comforted though he knows he doesn't deserve it, to be prayed for though he knows that no god is looking his way now.

This is all he needs though, just for the moment, while he once again let's his imagination take him away from all of the pain and grief and sorrow.

He imagines himself laying on the bed, his bed, their bed, on his side, his lover right beside him, sleeping soundly. His lover's chest rising and falling rhythmically, his hair messy from tossing and turning all night long, he reaches over and runs his hand through soft brunette locks, smoothing out the tangles completely.

Misaki POV

It's dark, it's been dark for hours, I don't know how long I've been here, an hour, a day, a week, a month. My sense of time is leaving me, I'm cold on the hard floor, but at least I'm not in a cage, at least I'm not in a cage, at least I'm not in a cage.

I try to keep myself together, the footsteps upstairs always make my blood freeze, is he coming down here, with who, or what? Is he coming up with worse drugs, will he drug me again, will I live through it? The thoughts make me panic, I tremble from the cold and fear that races through me every time I think of it.

It's an eternity before he opens the door, the light flooding into the room as he walks down, the sound of his footsteps echoes as he walks. I shake even more as he clicks on the desk lamp, I squint my eyes, getting used to the light.

"Sleep well, Misa-chan," he asks, smiling, a small case in his hand, he sets it down on the desk before opening it. A few liquids, some I recognize, some I don't, he fills a syringe with a thick blue liquid, I remember it, it sent me into fits of terrors, my skin crawling with invisible bugs and watching everything die around me. I know that drug perfectly well. "I've been perfecting this one, I thought you might want to try it out, you reacted to it so well last time," he grabs my arm, preparing to inject the needle into me.

Something deep inside me, something I had thought I had forgotten, rises up and smacks his hand, a voice that I don't recongize, shrill and fearful, screams, "No!"

He stops, the syringe falling to the ground and rolling just a few inches away, the grip on my arm immediately tightens, before I can react a harsh force knocks me to the ground, my cheek pulsing with pain. I curl into a ball, hoping for it to be the worst, I hear him rise and move to the corner of the room. The sound of water running makes me open my eyes, a swift kick makes me remain where I am, he stairs down at me, angry blue eyes piercing through me like his needles.

Before I can recover, he grabs a handful of my hair, lifting me to my knees and dragging me over to a sink that has filled with water, I can't brace myself before he shoves my head under the cold water. I struggle for a minute, trying to thrash, his hand keeps me still, daring me to move anymore.

I know what will happen after this, he'll throw me into a cage and stab me with thicker needles, with painful serums that will make me beg for death, that will make me weak and helpless. I know I'll die this time, I know that whether he kills me or his concoctions do it, I won't go home the same person. I'll be too damaged for Usagi-san, he'll say he'll love me still, that he'll protect me this time, he'll say that we can over come this like we did last time. But I won't, this is it, I know it is, so as the pressure that holds me down under the water lightens into nothing, I force myself to stay under. If I am to die, it will be by my terms, not his.

My oxygen deprived body begins to show effects, my muscles become weaker, the edges of my vision begin to turn black, before that same hand yanks me out of the water and slams into my face again, causing me to crash to the floor. I shake and sputter up water, coughing as mouthfuls of water escape me, all the while he stands over me, looking down with bitter malicious eyes.

"You will never leave me," he drains the sink before picking me up by the arm, I find strength in my fear.

"Please! No, not there, please, please, not there! Anywhere, anywhere but there, please!" I scream, struggling against him as he tosses me into a cage just big enough for me to move a limb or too. He locks it tight, his eyes remain on me as he fetches the syringe, and as I try to struggle again, he stabs the needle into me.

This is when the pain starts.

* * *

So I thought I'd give you guys some insight on what happened with Misaki and what happened with Usagi-san, so I hope it was good and emotional enough for you guys, but seriously if it wasn't let me know! I'm really trying to get all the detailed emotions down and pat, and let me know what you think of it so far, please!

Love Always!

J.C.16


	12. Chapter 12

There is no greater pain than this, my muscles contract so hard that I shake, my chest tightens painfully making me gasp for air, my skin feels like it's burning, like fire has ignited onto me and I can't see it.

If there is a hell, I think this would be it.

In a cold basement, cramped inside a cage that seems to get smaller by the passing minutes, the fear that rushes in with the hum of the air conditioner makes me shake.

"Please," it's pathetic,

"Please," how weak I've become,

"Please," just as these voices start to surround me

"Please, please," and how I've turned into such a timid little thing.

"Please!" Just like he wanted,

"PLEASE!" just like he wanted me.

_Useless:/Weak:/Pathetic:/Helpless:/Ugly:/Stupid:/Die:/Murder:/Die:/Murder:/Kill:/Murderer:/_

Usagi-san POV

Everyone's here now, even Haruhiko is here, his won't look at me but he stays quiet on the other side of the room. I'll find him occasionally looking my way, but it's only for a second before he looks down at the tiles again.

Aikawa goes on with how she's managed to cut me a break with the deadlines since Isaka knows what I'm going through. He's visited too, but there was nothing to say, I know he really wanted to say something, I could tell by the way he sat a played with his hands, thinking of how words could make it better.

He knew that no words would make anything like this better, no matter how pretty.

Instead, he squeezed my shoulder, giving his silent condolenses before leaving quickly, what do you do for someone who's watched everything fall apart twice?

Father on a chair next to the window, even though he had brought me out of my trances for a minute or two, he won't look at me again. I can see the pain in his eyes, I heard him praying when he held me, when the only father and son moment was in the pain of losing something, something rare in our family. His eyes are as distant as mine, far off, I'm sure he's still silently praying.

It's not long until he stands, "I'm going to the cafeteria to get some coffee, do you want anything?" he asks, looking at me with his sad aging face. I don't say anything, neither does Haruhiko, taking it as a no he leaves us. I lean back in the bed, beginning to fade out of the world again when Haruhiko's voice brings me back.

"What?" I ask, looking at him, his eyes now on me, looking back with something I can't identify. His mouth is in a straight line, his back, though leaning against the wall, strains not to stand up straight.

He's always reminded me of a toy soldier, mostly because of his posture and how he would come and take what was mine without any difficulty, without hesitance. He marched like one too, heal, toe, heal, toe, back straight, chin up, heal, toe, heal, toe. He was always obidient with father, always improving in every which way possible, always straight and narrow, always looking forward, never taking time to look around and relax around the world around him.

"I asked if you were alright," he says, maybe it's guilt that clouds his eyes, maybe it's fear that makes him so still.

"I'm fine," I say, in a way I am, I'm numb again, last time it took me months to get this way. To not let the pain invade me and puncture through my mind even in my sleep, but I'm numb, and now I can't even stay in reality. "How are you?" the words fall out, I'm become use to using these words with Misaki, I guess my mind is starting to use substitutes for this gentility that begs to escape.

He looks surprised, the world has knocked him off balance, I'm following our script, but all the same he keeps himself up, like a good solider. "I'm sad."

There's so much honesty, so much truth in those words that I almost miss them completely, I look at him, for once at a lose of words. "Why?" that's all my mind can conjure up for the moment.

"I'm sad for you," he says slowly, letting the words dissolve into the air, letting them fill my lungs, "I love Misaki too, I miss him too, so does father, and Isaka." His eyes go distant for a minute before the strangest thing happens, the faintest smile forms, it's miles away, and then it's right in front of me.

"You liked Takahiro first," it's not a question, "but even after you longed for him after all those years, you let his little brother dig into your heart and make his home inside it. For a while, I hated you for it, for being so lucky. I wanted that love too, I wanted him to do that to me, to force his way into my arms. You must have been a special case to be the only one." His smile never wavers, it remains there with the same melancholy hue to it.

"I love him," I say, sharing his past earnest, this feeling is so raw, so pure and at the same time so painful. His eyes come back to the hospital room, his smile fades, seriousness replaces his smile.

"I know," his words aren't bitter, not hard, or spiteful, but understanding, knowing, "which is why we'll find him."

I give him a small smile, maybe I'm not a soldier, maybe I don't understand the soldier code of never surrendering, but in brotherhood, this might be our only moment we have. A connection that runs deeper than friendship, but never the boundaries of love, a glass wall that had formed itself around us to protect ourselves, just for the moment, shatters. For that moment, we are bare to each other, we can see the blood that makes us brothers, the bond that runs so faintly between us is present, it is not concrete, but something fragile and temporary.

It's funny, how at a time, when pain rules the air around you, suffocating you with the knowledge of lose and hopelessness, does family show true colors. I am lucky, mine are the colors of loyalty, not just to me, but to Misaki, to my lover, to us. The times when I had been ashamed to have called these people family, vanish, they're gone, and we are left with the comfort of each other, holding each other up with weak arms that threaten to give out at a moments notice, but we know that we will fall together, and maybe that's why our arms stay strong.

We are family, in this pristine and hostile smelling hospital, where I fade in and out of reality, but in the times I can come back to the room where my father and brother sit, I know that I am safe no matter where my mind ventures.

_Misaki POV_

The fear is gone, so is the anger, everything is gone. I'm left so empty, so numb, so lifeless.

The cage lays in the corner of the basement, the bars are broken, blood dripping off the sharp edges. The basement floor is blood spattered, the strong metallic smell reminds me of urine and aluminum, the light bulb that dangled from the ceiling still sways, a few drops of blood are spattered on it's surface. The right wall has a hole in it, the sink on the side of the room only holds a few drops of red but is otherwise clean.

His body lays in front of me, he's on his back, his eyes are black now, no color or life remains in them. His mouth, no longer in that annoying smile, is open, blood seeping down the side, his ribcage is crushed, I can see everything, the meters of intestines, the grey and red organs that seep blood instead of bleed. A thick needle goes through his palm, pinning him to the ground.

I don't remember any of it, I don't remember getting out, I don't remember him even coming down the stairs.

I remember the serum wearing off, I remember the voices, I remember the anger, the red that passed my eyes.

Now I'm here, standing bare footed in a puddle of blood, a thin shirt that's torn on the sides and covered in blood and a pair of boxers that go down to my lower thigh. My breathing is labored and deep, when all the feeling in my body returns, I feel a syringe, hot and burning in my clenched hand. I look down, bringing my hand up to where I can see it, inside it's a light watery liquid, dull and bland looking. I force my legs to move, one anchored muscle after the other until they take me upstairs to the kitchen, then to a small, dirty bedroom. I bend down and push clothes over another until I find a pair of pants, I slid my legs into the pants and use a belt to tighten it around my waist. I shove the syringe into the pocket and grab a jacket, pulling it over me to cover my blood stained shirt.

Without thinking, just moving mindlessly, I leave, shutting the door and begin walking.

When I thought this day would come, I always thought that I'd feel the recurrence of faith and hope, and I would get on my knees and thank whoever was watching me. I would feel relief beyond comprehension and I would run wherever I could to escape, I'd laugh and cry and I'd find Usagi-san and hold him tight and tell him, scream to him, cry to him, that I loved him. But right now, my legs carry me away, to a sidewalk, to an intersection, to the city. I just walk, hiding my face, shielding myself from wandering eyes.

I'm almost home.

* * *

It's short, I know but I hope it's good. I really tried to make Haruhiko and Usagi-san really have a touchy moment there, the last scene is kind of crappy in my opinion but let me know what you think!

Oh and I've just started reading Wintergirls for anyone who's interested, it's amazing! Oh and Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott.

Anyway, happy weekend to all, love you darlings~

J.C.16


	13. Chapter 13

I wish I had paid attention to where we were going, I wish I had remembered what turns he took, where the roads were, what their names were, as I walk through the cold winter air. My bare feet feel numb, the jacket I had grabbed hardly kept me warm as I walk through the back allies. My ears, the non human ones, were flat against my skull, my tail was uncomfortably tucked into my pant leg, occasionally being stepped on by the heel of my foot. I wish I had my watch so I'd know what time it is, how long my legs have been trudging through garbage and half frozen cement.

I wonder how he is, I hope that Aikawa found him, or that he at least got help from somebody. I wonder when the serum wore off, I know that it took hours sometimes but…

I shake my head, I can't have these thoughts now, not now, I'm close to home, I can't break again. I walk faster, one foot after another, step, step, left, right, left, right.

I wonder if his father found out, if anyone found out, did Nii-san? Did he even care?

I walk faster now, almost running, there is no Nii-san, no, no Nii-san. There can't be a Nii-san now, not now, I can't crack now. I have to be strong, I've been the strongest yet, I've made it, I've survived. Who else has done that, who else can bend like I can, can be as malleable as I am and still not break? No one. Because I am the strongest, look at everything I've changed, I'm still bending and I'm nowhere close to breaking!

Did he even pick up the phone? What if he just didn't care, he shouldn't, I was the unorthodox brother that was unnatural, a freak that fell in love with his best friend, who would love that?

I'm not breaking, I'm together, completely! I'm almost home to Usagi-san, and when I get there, I'll be so happy and content!

What if forgot about me? What if he'd known all along, denial is such a powerful thing, maybe he was just tricking himself into believing I was normal and now this happens. Now, maybe he doesn't even care that I've become a traitor. He's probably thinking what mom and dad would say. Nothing.

They're dead, they don't count anymore, dead is dead, heartless, bloodless, brainless, they aren't real anymore. They're gone, gone, gone. They aren't real anymore!

They would be so ashamed of me, they would both cry for the youngest child they had so many hopes for, loved so much, had become a lamb led to the slaughter. No grandchildren, no wedding, no girl to take home and show them how much I love her. No. None of that.

I love Usagi-san, I love him, I don't need the judgment of dead people, I don't need Nii-san to be irrational, I have my own family with Usagi-san and his family.

But how long will they last, anything can happen, they could die just as they walk down the street. You remember how Usagi-san just walked out in front of that bus, he didn't even notice, if I hadn't been there, if I hadn't pulled him back, he would be splattered brains and rotting flesh.

I'm running, tripping over trash cans and garbage bags but I recover to quickly to notice, I run for what seems like hours, the birds are my only witness, they watch as I run and stumble.

It's dark when I stop, my heart pounding, sweat dripping from my forehead, mixing with tears of thoughts that should have died years ago. I stumble to a fence and lean against it, panting heavily, I look around and to my surprise I know where I am.

This is it.

This is where Usagi-san and I first kissed, where we got together, I push myself off the fence and with heavy muscles and anchored limbs walk to the lamppost, holding myself up with the cold metal. It flickers on after a minute, making it seem like there's a spotlight on me, when I get my breath back, when I've got my heart rate normal, I look around. It's dark, pitch black except for the light that pours over the sidewalk, the half frozen street. I smile as nostalgia comes to me, sweet reminiscence and not fear of never seeing this moment again.

I laugh to myself, gripping the metal with reddened and numb fingers, I look up into the even darker sky and smile as snow begins to fall. It's like the stars are slipping out of the sky and coming to earth to see things more close up, to see if it's beauty is true, a snowflake lands on my cheek and melts instantly.

There's a pain, an ach so deep inside my chest, it's crushing me inside out. All of those thought have dwelled inside of me, they've festered from just moments of wondering to hours of haunting. My eyes sting, as I stare up into the sky, they water and slide down out of the corners of my eyes, I slide down so that I'm on my knees, my head bent, my hands clasped together.

And I pray, I pray for Usagi-san, for his safety and health and for the peace of the Usami family, and for Takahiro and his wife, and for mother's and father's acceptance and love. I pray for their understanding, for Takahiro's blessing, I pray for anything I can think of, because letting it out now, letting the words flood out of my mouth and into a form of sincerity that I haven't been able to reach for so long. The pain I feel, deep and raw, is intensified but it's satisfying, and so, so crucial right now.

My shoulders shake and heave as I sob, I cry until I can't cry, until the tears that came out in streams now only trickle. I let out a few shaky breathes before leaning against the lamppost, I gasp a few times, my lip trembling, this is a feeling so empowering, so overwhelming that I can't take it in all at once, the beauty of this place, of its simplicity and of the emotions that flood into me at such a raw and fast pace. It's something so rare and unique, I feel that for a moment I might die and see the faces of my past resurface and nod their heads in approval and hug me before returning into an abyss of nothing.

But I'm alone, in the alley where I had met my first and what I believe to be my only love, alone in the snow where I can almost feel the presence of another. My uncertainty makes me believe that it's the effect of the drug, I dig into my pocket and pull out the syringe of light purple water thin liquid. It's warm in my hand, not hot but just warm, I roll up my sleeve, I don't know this drug, I don't know this syringe or what it could do to me. I could die in the street with lost memories, or I could go back to normal and leave this nightmare behind me, I laugh, whatever happens, it couldn't be any worse than what has happened.

I take a breath and roll my sleeve up a little more, and I'm quick to push it into a vein, and I push the plunger down do I realize that I have nothing to lose. I'm lost and alone now, in a place where Nii-san, nor Usagi-san can reach me, it's my show now, this syringe is what decides my fate now.

As the liquid drains out of the syringe and into my blood, I pull it out and toss it away, hearing it roll across the pavement and probably into the snow. I lean back and wait, waiting for a feeling, for a sign that it's in me, but nothing comes and I sit in the snow, in the dark with a spotlight on me for what feels like hours.

"Misaki," it's a whisper, it's small and faint, but I hear it, I turn my head and my blood feels like it's frozen over. Takahiro stands on the sidewalk, his nose red and his eyes bloodshot and watery behind his glasses, his coat is wrinkled and the buttons are in the wrong holes, he must have left in a hurry. I look up at him, feeling tired and sluggish as he leans down, his gloved hand running over my forehead. "You're safe," he says in such a relief that I feel his shoulders relax without touching him.

His arms wrap around me, tight and safe, comforting and secure, "I've been so worried," he says, I can feel his tears run to my shoulder, I feel his body shake and I do the same. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close, my family, my blood, close to me, the only thing my parents' had graced me with.

"I'm so sorry," I hear him whisper, it's soft and sincere, "I didn't mean it. I love you, I really do, I'm sorry," he whispers, it's not frantic or frenzied but calm and thought out, I feel his meaning, his words dripping with soft honesty.

I can nod my head, my eyes becoming heavier with every breath, his heat against me makes me realize how cold I really am, "I missed you," the part of me that hasn't lost itself to all these running emotions and insanity makes its way out to him, giving him, even for a moment, the brother that died so long ago.

He hugs me tighter, I feel his pain, his relief, joy and sorrow, I feel his shoulders jerk and heave as he sobs quietly, his tears soaking my shoulder. There's pity filling my chest as he cried into me, he's crying for the brother that rotted away inside of me, he's left with someone that's just a shell of a painful memory. I wish I could ease his pain, I wish I could be the brother he knew and loved, not this damaged and used person that can't impersonate his little brother.

It hits me then, the exhaustion, the pain throbbing from my legs, the fatigue, I lean against him as my muscles go weak against my will, "Misaki?" I hear him call my name as my eyes slip shut, my entire body going slack against him. "Misaki!"

_ Maybe I'm finally dying._

_

* * *

_Dun, dun, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

God I really hope you guys like this, I've worked extra special hard on this, I hope you guys can tell! Anyway, tell me what you think.

Oh and does anyone have any suggestions on Hetalia cosplay?


	14. Chapter 14

Maybe I've gotten used to this, this panic, anxiety, fear, maybe it's just the stale smell of corridors that go on forever. Everyone goes about their business, never stopping, always going, I wish I could stop. I wish I could just sit and stop for a minute, I wish the world could too, and take a long deep breath and soak everything in.

The nurses come through here, giving the conditions of their family members or friends to people in the chairs who tap their feet, or twiddle their thumbs, or hum lowly, while the rest of us wait, and wait, and wait. A doctor comes out, he's a middle aged man, he comes to me and says my name like I question. I look up, and he grips my shoulder, "He's fine, he was dehydrated and was showing signs of anemia, but we've got it taken care of now. He's still asleep but he's doing much better now if you want to see him," I stand automatically and follow him to the elevator, he hits the number three button and the door slide shut.

"Usami-san is also here with his family if you'd like to see him as well," I look up, my blurred reflection in the doors looks like some tired man who needs to go home and sleep.

The image of Misaki on the sidewalk comes to mind, how pale he looked, how ghostly he seemed, his eyes seemed so dead, so lifeless when they stared into the sky. I felt the fear of losing him rush inside of me, and I saw my little brother again. The happy one, the one who always assured me that he was fine even if he wasn't, who always meddled in my buisness but kept me out of his, who cooked just like mother and smiled just like father. Who never cried in front of me and held the weight of the world on his shoulders as if he had been rehearsed to.

In a way, that's still my brother, this world has ripped his body open and pulled every essence of love and joy out of him and left him bitter and cold to the world. His innocence had been taken from him partially long ago by someone who I had thought was my friend, who I had trusted with him, who I had in a way loved myself, but he had let my brother have everything take from him. In that reasoning, I can't forgive him, I can't just let it go, but confronting him now, is something I have to do. "Where's Usami-san," the doctor nods as the doors slide open and steps out, I follow him, the cold air that reminds me of fatality lingers around as we come to a door in the middle of the hall. He knocks once, twice, before opening it, and there he is.

He sits in his bed, his hair still neat and straight, his eyes show something of surprise and confusion, of hurt and hope, the doctor leaves, giving a passing glance and then shuts the door.

"Takahiro," he sits up straight, his father by his side, his brother sitting near the door where I stand, "what are you doing here," he asks, hope laces his voice.

I swallow a lump that hardens in my throat, "I found Misaki and I brought him here,"

_"Maybe I'm finally dying"_

I shake my head, trying to block out the last words my brother whispered to me, "He's ok now," I say before he can ask any questions, "he was dehydrated and there was some frostbite but he's fine now." There it is again, the anxiety, the fear, my brother's body.

"When did you find him?" He asks almost hurriedly, his knuckles turn white when they grip the sheets, the look in his eyes is the same fear I have, somewhere I know that.

"Last night, I brought him in early this morning," relief is just a fleeting moment that hangs in the cold air. "I wanted…to talk to you about him," the words are choked, they come out forced, they taste bitter.

"I wasn't aware of the relations you shared with my brother until I found you too a few months ago," the memory of my brother when he first tried to cook comes to mind, how he was trying so hard and even when I snapped at him, he still wanted to make me happy, "I was angry because he had never kept something from me, and yet he had. He was usually so open to me, he trusted me, but…you were the secret that he hid." I bite my lip when the memory of them on the couch returns to me, I swallow my anger and my frustration.

"I love my brother, but what he, what you, hid from me, was betrayal. It wasn't just my brother lying to me, it was you too! You were my friend, I trusted you and you did that!" I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to contain myself from the pint up anger that rises. I look at him, not realizing that I had been staring at the floor until now.

His face is guilt and shame, his father stares, not angrily or maliciously, but wondering, his brother does the same but in slight shock. It's minutes before he answers.

"I wanted to, and so did Misaki," he starts, looking at me with eyes that show the pain I saw in Misaki, "he was afraid, you were his only family left that he trusted. He didn't want to disappoint you, or drive you away, it wasn't my call to make, no matter what you were to me. Our relationship had started when you announced your marriage, I had loved you romantically once, and he knew that. He was there for me, and he returned my love, it progressed after he moved in, and I'm sorry that I hid it from you, but you have to understand why. It was something we had to keep quiet, not just for him, but for his safety. If it went public than some of my readers might have something to say," he says the last line with a slight chuckle, but otherwise remains serious, and honest.

Silence fills the empty air, just for a few minutes before a question bubbles up, "Did you know?" I look at the eldest Usami who stays with his leg crossed and a perplexed look on his face.

He sighs, "Not immediately, I put two and two together after a while. You shouldn't feel bad, you weren't around to notice," That comment was harmless.

That comment disemboweled me and poured salt into me.

"Takahiro,"

I wasn't there…to notice…It wasn't his fault…I wasn't there. Maybe…Maybe if I stayed and…and watched them…even just glanced…maybe they wouldn't have to have…just to show me…

"Takahiro?"

I wasn't there…I was supposed to be…I was supposed to be the one he could count on and…I was supposed to be his brother…But I ran off and got married and…left him…

"Takahiro,"

I left him…all alone…I wouldn't have known…if he hadn't been kidnapped…I wasn't there…I was never there was I, Misaki? And after…after I found out…I left him all over again…

"Takahiro!" A harsh jerk brings me back to reality, my face feels hot and sticky. Violet eyes look at me with such worry, I almost mistake them for mother's.

"What's wrong?" He asks, like it's not obvious, like it's not apparent that I failed my parents, that I failed my little brother. I practically led him to the slaughter.

_It's my fault_.

My shoulders tremble, my stomach turns as I fall to my knees, everything is apparent now, I blamed him because I didn't want to blame myself. But really, this was just as much my fault as it was anyone's, but all I wanted was to throw the blame at him, because I was so naïve. So stupid.

"I'm sorry," I cry, I feel him pull me close, holding me tightly, and I cry into his shoulder, letting every fear and anger out, letting myself feel this anger and sadness completely for the first time.

_Misaki POV_

I wake up alone, but the white walls and the cold temperature make me believe that I'm dead, that something good has finally happened.

But I know better, this is a hospital, this is a place where they'll keep me alive as long as possible until they're done with me. My muscles feel heavy and my head pounds in my skull, I sit up, pulling myself up my the railing on the bed. I swing my legs over the bed, my feet are tightly wrapped in bandages, I stand, wobbling over to the bathroom.

I look into the mirror, and for a moment I die, I know I do, because there can't be this much happiness in one person.

My ears are gone, my tail is too, my eyes are the same color again, I'm still a little taller but much skinnier. There's heavy bags under my eyes, but I think after a couple night's sleep I'll be much better, I look in the mirror at my eyes and that's when everything hits me.

_"Come here little Misaki," he coos so gently, so lovingly as he comes closer to the cage, the effects of the drug had worn off but I was in the side effects, the depression had come and gone within hours. I was angry, I was seething, he had ruined me, he had taken what was mine, he had taken my body, my life, everything once, and then again._

_He came closer to the cage, a long needle inching closer to my skin, his smile remained intact, that's when I snapped. I gripped the bars and tore them open, and flew past them, I slam him down and straddle his chest, smiling down at him now. I laugh, carelessly, coldly, he stares, afraid, I can see it, his eyes look so terrified, he knows where I want him. He knows I want him dead, I take his syringe from the floor and play with it with my fingers._

_"That's not very nice," I say coldly, sneering down at him, before chuckling, fear is in his eyes, sweat pours down his face. I raise my hand and slam the needle into his palm, he screams, and I find out why he made us cry out so many times, the saticfaction of hearing his pain fuels me. I curl my other hand into a fist and smash it against his face, his head jerks to the side, his jaw makes a sickening cracking noise._

_I move myself to his waist, watching as tears of pain trickle down his face, as his hand bleeds onto the floor. "Don't worry," I coo, freining sweetness, "it won't hurt for long," I raise a clawed and hand and bring it down into his chest, his shreiks make me laugh as I dig deeper, he thrashes under me. His eyes wide with terror as I pull back, the sound of flesh being torn reminds me of Velcro as it peels back, showing his ribs and beating heart, pulsing organs, blood splattering against me, warm and wet, I smash my fists into his body,crushing his ribcage, over and over again, all the while his screams echo off the basement walls. My fingers find their way into his intestines and thread through the slippery thick organs and pulls them out letting them fall out of place._

_I watched as he began to choke on air, gasping for breath, the light in his eyes dimming, slowly fading away, his heart, with every pulse would spurt blood, the pulsing began to slow, I took it into my hand, feeling it beat, thumping in my palm, this monster's heart, that kept him alive, was in my hand. With my other hand, I grip his hair and pull his head up, letting him see where my hand was, I smile, before crushing the organ, letting it's muscles and the rest of his blood seep through my fingers._

And I'm back to reality.

I rush to the toilet and let everything spew out of me, bile burning my throat, I gasp, horror strikes me as the toilet whooshes everything away. I lean my head on the seat, the cold feeling against my burning head makes me shiver, tears trickle down as a giggle erupts from my throat.

I got payback for everyone he ever hurt. I got my revenge, he got his karmic justice, he was killed by the very thing he created, he died in the pain he caused. I laughing now, hysteria takes it's course, I'm laughing and crying, I'm hating and loving, I'm rejoicing and repenting, I'm happy and angry.

I'm glad no one can see me, I'm glad no one can witness this episode of madness, tears run down my face, all these conflicting emotions run through me, attack me with such violence that I almost can't take it. After a few minutes, I take a breath, I let sobs and left over giggles come through before standing, I drag myself to the window and close the blinds before going to the bed and curling into myself.

I've saved people and I've destroyed another, I've hated someone so maliciously that I've killed them, and I'm loved someone enough that I ran miles and miles all the way back to them.

I let sleep overcome me again, releasing myself to the exhaustion.

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Ok so this isn't my best chapter in my opinion, but let me know what you guys think of it! Oh and I know I need to work on my gore, but I wasn't really expecting it until it came to mind, so I hope it wasn't too vague or undescriptive, but I hope I got Takahiro's emotions out well enough.

Love Always!

J.C.16


	15. Chapter 15

This final chapter, is dedicated to my friend and one of my bigger fans; Smart Angel. Thanks for all the support.

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The morning sun was bright, as it always is when someone leaves the blinds open. The light poured into the room, shining on my still tired eyes, I turned, really not wanting to even think of waking up. I stayed like that, on my side, taking in everything around me; the beeping heart monitor, the stale air, the hard mattress and pillow, the paper thin sheets.

I was in a hospital.

I was found again.

The night before came flooding back, the needle, the water, the blood, the street, the snow…Nii-san.

I turned on my back, staring at the ceiling, it had been almost a year since I had first been kidnapped, since my first experiment. It had been almost four months since I had first been found.

Usagi-san…his face came into my mind, his soft smile, his calculating violet eyes, his soft light silver blond hair, the smell of his cigarettes and coffee, the feel of his soft, cold hands. He had been with me through everything, he had loved me more than anyone else had.

Tears stung my eyes, the memory of being reunited with him, of being with him again after all the hell that was injected into me.

Nii-san, he always wanted to be brave for all of us. To be strong, to be independent so that he could always be ready to take care of everyone. I remember the love I wanted to feel when he wrapped his arms around me, when he cried so whole heartedly, I was just too numb to love him entirely back.

I sat up, my back aching, my mind swirling, I reach over to the radio alarm clock and turn it on. Hoping that music will bring me back some.

_She's all laid up in bed_

_With a broken heart_

_While I'm drinking Jack_

_All alone in my local bar._

_And we don't know how,_

_How we got into this mad situation_

_Only doing things out of frustration._

_Trying to make it work but man_

_These times are hard._

I stay on my side, my hand outstretched to the clock, ready to change it, the song was new, and it was lovely, deep in a way.

_She needs me now_

_But I can't seem to find the time_

_I've got a new job now_

_In the unemployment line,_

_And we don't know how,_

_How we got into this mess_

_Is it God's test_

_Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best._

I remembered all the love I felt with Usagi-san, even after I had turned into that man's monster. I laughed a little, he hated it when I called myself that, I remember when he shook me once, trying to expel those thoughts. His eyes had never seemed so firm before then, like he was demanding those thoughts away.

My hand went limp, dangling off the side of the bed, I look out the window with blurry tear filled eyes. I thought to myself, "It will never…ever be the same again,"

_Trying to make it work but man,_

_These times are hard_

_But we're gunna start by_

_Drinking old cheap bottles of wine_

_Sit talking up all night_

_Saying things we haven't for a while_

_A while, yeah_

_We're smiling but we're close to tears_

_Even after all these years_

_We just now, got the feeling_

_That we're meeting…_

_For the first time._

I force myself to sit up, my back popping in several places as I stand on wobbly knees. Goosebumps racing up my legs as I walked to the window, the light almost blinding as I push the shades back. All of the light coming in, drowning me in sunshine.

I look down from behind the glass, there's a playground not far from here, I can see the jungle gym from the window, a slide and some swings too. No one's there this early in the morning though, not even the smaller kids.

_She's in line at the door_

_With her held high (high)_

_While I just lost my job_

_But didn't lose my pride_

I wondered if anyone else was looking at this scene, this innocent peaceful view that I had overlooked not long ago. I never bothered to look at something so simple, so quiet before now. My hand reached to the top of the window and unlocks the small latch with a mechanical click, the window slid up slowly but the morning's soft breeze comes immediately.

The gap between the window and the window pane was bigger that I first thought, I could stick half of my body out if I had wanted to. I folded my arms and rested them on the window pane, my head sticking out as the cool breeze fluttered against my skin. I looked down, a rail that was attached to the wall outside the hospital protruding out, it was wide and not as round as you would suspect a rail to be.

_But we both know how_

_How we're gunna make it work when it hurts_

_When you pick yourself up_

_You get kicked to the dirt_

_Trying to make it work but man_

_These times are hard_

_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_

_Sit talking up all night_

_Doing things we haven't for a while_

_A while, yeah_

_We're smiling but we're close to tears_

_Even after all these years_

_We just now got the feeling_

_That we're meeting…_

_For the first time_

I remembered all the pain I was put through in just a small amount of time that seemed to extend years. I remembered all the agony I was put through, and all the pain I had put others through too. All the guilt that I had pent up, held in and let consume me was surfacing once again, showing the dark hideous side of me that I had wanted to disappear.

I pulled myself back into the room and gripped the sides of the window, slowly, I pushed my legs through. The hospital gown kept me covered as I slid my lower body out, and then my upper half, I held onto the window was the breeze cooled my body, calmed me in a way.

_Yeah…_

_Drinking on cheap bottles of wine,_

_Sit talking up all night,_

_Saying things we haven't for a while,_

_We're smiling but we're close to tears,_

_Even after all these years_

_We just now got the feeling_

_That we're meeting…_

_For the first time_

I closed my eyes the soft whispers of wind were relaxing, I felt light, weightless against the world around me. I leaned forward, the pain was gone for a moment, lost in this innocence of catastrophe that had snatched us away.

It was when two strong arms wrapped around my middle and with a violent jerk pulled me inside my hospital room. I came crashing to reality when I hit the hard mattress, staring up at the soft colored ceiling for only a moment before another body was on top of me. Violet eyes stared down at me, two large cold hands held onto my wrists though I didn't fight.

"What are you doing?" the question was simple, but in truth I couldn't answer, I didn't know myself. I felt the tears from before resurface, stinging my eyes and blurring out Usagi-san's face into cloud of violet and silver. My throat went dry, I felt myself begin to shake and tremble under him, but I never left his gaze.

"I don't know…" I answered truthfully, there was a lightness that followed those words, "I'm scared." I continued, everything was pouring out in this moment.

One of his hands left my wrist and caressed my cheek lovingly, comfortingly, "What are you afraid of?" he asked, leaning down so his head rested on my shoulder.

I choked down a sob, "What if it's never the same," my voice was quiet, small like a child's. "What if we can never go back to how things were?"

His arms had wrapped around my middle as he pulled me close to him as I began to cry, shaking and sobbing in such a horrendous motion I was glad I couldn't see myself. Still, he held me, cradling me against his chest with loving arms as I cried, as I wailed in pain over what I didn't know. Over what I couldn't and didn't want to even fathom.

When I finally calmed down and my sobs had turned to soft gasps and hiccups, he wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs, he pet my hair in a comfortingly and assuring way. "It won't be the same," he said finally, my heart cracked at that, "it will be stronger than before." He whispered into my ear.

I looked up at him, confused, he smiled, "I was a wreak without you, I couldn't write or even think of anything to write. I was alone, actually alone in a sense and I thought all the while, what if he really does leave…" his eyes shift out of focus, drifting to somewhere far off.

"Usagi-san," he came back to me for a minute and smiled with something I couldn't recognize.

"I wondered if you were safe every day, I hoped that you were alive every minute. I never gave up hope but…there were times I wanted to just stop all the pain that you left me with. I never blamed you though," his hand takes mine, our fingers interlaced, and for the first time in a long while, I felt something so close to familiar.

"So, no, it probably won't ever be the same after this. But, I do think that it can be even better than what it was."

After that, after the doctor's we never spoke about how I dangled with my own life outside the window. I never forgot though, the way that I had almost plummeted to the ground but his arms, that morning, pulled me up and back into something I was prepared to surrender.

I can't say that getting back into my real life was easy, going back to school was a struggle in itself. The anxiety of that man being around the corner was at times overpowering, eventually we found a therapist, I won't say much about that ordeal but we didn't see eye to eye with the way I should handle my anxiety. I wanted to stay home and work from there, she thought I needed to work through the anxiety. I wanted to take online classes, she thought I needed pills.

Eventually I was able to get back into school life without having panic attacks and without pills.

Usagi-san and I were…rocky when we went back to the apartment. We were afraid of each other, afraid we would disappear at the slightest sudden action. Our meals were slow we took every minute into consideration, we never let one pass us. At night we would hold onto each other, clinging to the love that, like he had said, had grown and strengthened.

We won't be the same, no, I don't think we can go back to that. We can't bring back all of the innocence we lost, we can't take back the time we lost but we can find something that closely resembles ordinary again.

_End._

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Well, after almost a year, here we are! I hope you guys have really liked this story and liked the ending to, I thought I'd leave some of it to your imagination. Thanks to all who have stuck by through this unimaginably long year and followed me with this story! I want to thank Smart Angel who has undoubtedly been the biggest help that I could have gotten!


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